


Dances with Werewolves

by RoleplayFanfics



Series: Rewriting Twilight [2]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Carlisle Cullen might learn to stop being in denial, Comfort Werewolves, Comfort/Angst, Consequences, Deviates From Canon, Emotional evalutations, Exploring side characters, Exploring side-character backstories, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gay, Gen, Healthy Polyamory, History, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Imprinting is not a thing, Leah's character deserves better, Logic, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Parody, Polyamory, Rosalie Hale needs help, Sequel, The Cullen Family ideal isn't healthy, Twilight Parody, Werewolves and Vampires getting along, rationality, references, second work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25035193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoleplayFanfics/pseuds/RoleplayFanfics
Summary: "Jacob filled his cup with water, and sat back down in front of him. “Well… Uh, yeah, where to start…”Later, after everything which had happened since, Sam would think back to that moment now and then. He wouldn’t really think of it as the ‘time when everything changed,’ and he wouldn’t think of it as the ‘start of all his troubles.’ He would instead think of it as the first time where his actual leadership skills were put to the test, and when, according to himself, he had failed. "----Sequel to Of Hamsters and Men.Jacob and Edward brought about new understanding between the vampires and werewolves of Forks, but a step in the right direction isn't a solution, and for Sam Uley, among many others, the change is difficult to adapt to. Vampires were supposed to be uncontrollable monsters, not sympathetic people, and still, for every passing conversation with Jasper Hale, he finds himself more unsure where he stands.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Billy Black/Charlie Swan, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jacob Black/Edward Cullen, Leah Clearwater/Rosalie Hale, Sam Uley/Jasper Hale, Seth Clearwater/Alice Cullen
Series: Rewriting Twilight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812982
Comments: 39
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly written by Teddy.  
> Co-written and edited by Nathan. 
> 
> This work is a direct sequel of [Of Hamsters and Men](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22266802/) meaning it is not canon compliant with the Twilight Saga.
> 
>  **Important note:**  
>  As we are Swedish and thus don't know the geography of the US very well, it never even occurred to us that Stephanie Meyer would have used a real location as well as a real native tribe for her fictional work. After further research it seems she never even visited Forks in the first place, and has done no substantial research on the area or people living there when writing her books. We have chosen to keep the town name in this canon, because Meyer's Forks is so inaccurate to the real place that her town might as well be a fictional place. However, we do not feel comfortable using the Quileute tribe for our fictional work, and have decided to keep the tribe unspecific, because it is a fictional one in Stephanie Meyer's universe, anything else is quite disrespectful. 
> 
> Seeing that the canon Twilight still uses the tribe in question, we'd much rather you visit [this page here](https://mthg.org/) to learn about the real tribe's current struggles and possibly donate/share to help them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We honestly didn't expect to make a sequel, but realized that we have left a lot of points and ideas we've discussed untouched yet. Thank you all for your comments and support of the previous work! It has been very encouraging to the both of us to know that people appreciate the work and changes.

“I will be completely honest with you, I am not very experienced as a leader, despite having known I would become a pack leader one day.” Sam said, completely denying to everyone present, that being himself and Jacob, that he had never really ‘known’ anything for certain. Least of all known that he was to become a pack leader. He had always known that it was a possibility, it was technically a possibility for everyone in the pack. Still, it seemed a little bit like a dream to have been selected a leader. To have been confirmed strong enough to have the ability to be was thrilling, humbling, and frightening all at once.

“I have prepared myself for the times I will have to sit down with someone of my pack and talk to them, not as a friend or an unbiased party, but as a leader, who needs to keep the interest of my pack in mind.” Sam had begun fidgeting with the tag of the tea bag, playing with it as he spoke. He hadn’t noticed it himself, he was far too busy trying to vocalize his thoughts. “That being said, many people are uncomfortable, and worried, about whatever is going on with you. Why you’d bring a vampire into our territory, you know… those things.” He faltered at the end, and waved his hand as if he was trying to be dismissive. “Would you be, well, able to… tell me more?”

Jacob filled his cup with water, and sat back down in front of him. “Well… Uh, yeah, where to start…” where to [start](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22266802/)…”

Later, after everything which had happened since, Sam would think back to that moment now and then. He wouldn’t really think of it as the ‘time when everything changed,’ and he wouldn’t think of it as the ‘start of all his troubles.’ He would instead think of it as the first time where his actual leadership skills were put to the test, and when, according to himself, he had failed. 

All he was able to do at that point was question. While Jacob had presented real arguments, real reasons and real truths, all he had been able to do was poutily recoil with fear mongering and second hand stories about when things had gone wrong. It was a fact that vampires were dangerous, it was a fact that they lived by sucking blood and killing others. There was reason to believe that vampires proved a danger to the society which they currently were inhabiting, but many things could be seen as dangerous from an outsider perspective. However, isolating communities and people had many times over been proven to be a very destructive, harmful action to take in the long run. Sam knew that far too well, as his people had first had experienced that very isolation. To add to that, Jacob, and the Cullens, had provens that vampires were a lot more than mere beasts. 

Sam felt strangely trapped in his situation, and it had only grown worse after the tribe started interacting with the local blood suckers. He was the leader, he had expectations upon him, and he wanted very badly to prove to others and himself that he was a good leader. However, Jacob had been bringing about change. Real change. Good change. All Sam could do in return was to be skeptical and on edge around the vampires. He felt like the overprotective parent who refused his children the opportunity and the right to explore the world, but it was also his duty to point out potential dangers and faults with certain actions taken by members of his pack. Jacob was right, he had done the right thing, and Sam hadn’t actually done anything wrong but… he felt lacking. He felt uninformed, and he felt trapped between being cautious and being allowing. 

What Jacob and Edward had achieved was baffling, and it had changed both the vampire and the werewolf communities in Forks for the better. Sam felt like he had resisted that change, and he felt like he should have acted differently, but he truly had nobody with who he could discuss these things and learn better. Instead he had been caught being one of the oppressors against good healthy change, and that thought in itself was terrifying. 

Essentially, he wanted to become better, but he didn’t know where to turn. There were still things he was learning, both about his role as a leader and about being a werewolf, as he hadn’t actually been one for that long. It had been a problem far before the Olympic Covenant became part of their everyday life, but adding vampires to his situation was not making it easier. 

An aspect of being a werewolf that he was about to learn was the extent of pack loyalty, and how strong it could be. Of course he knew about pack loyalty as a concept, and he had of course experienced it previously, but that did not mean that he had expected to find his pack invading the Cullen household in search for Emmett Cullen, honorary werewolf and pretend-member of his pack. 

Unlike many of his pack members, Sam could recall his identity fairly easily in his other shape, even during full moons. He remember who he was, and he remembered that there were dangers in the woods relating to humans and being discovered by humans. Sam was able to lead where others could not because his intellect was more than that of the beast’s. He was selected as the leader because he didn’t allow the rush of hormones and adrenaline to get the best of him, even when they were at their strongest. Or at least that was one of the reasons given as to why he had been chosen. 

Houses looked so very strange through the eyes of the beast. Like a giant, unshapely rock with strange lighting coming from it. The scents were equally confusing, a mess of pleasant and disgusting, of food and of things which should under no circumstances be eaten. The beast wanted to explore it, and he wanted to run from it. 

As the beast who was Sam stood observing the house, he neglected to realize that his pack had approached it. He saw the beast who was Jacob brave the porch and approach the door, scratching for it to open. Someone howled, another one barked, generally making themselves known. After realizing that he was hesitating while his pack was not, Sam slowly approached behind them. As he stood closer, he was able to hear noises coming from inside the building. It took a little, but he was able to understand and identify the speakers. 

“Is that… Jacob’s pack?” Esme Cullen said. She could be seen standing in one of the floor length windows, looking out at the guests. One werewolf had noticed her, and walked up to the window. In a display of utmost intelligence, the beast who was Seth Clearwater smushed his entire face against the glass, expectantly wagging his tail as he did so. 

Alice Cullen’s giggle came in response, and she appeared in the window. “Yes. Hello, Seth.” She stroke over the glass, pretending to pet the wolf outside. Seth’s tail began to wag faster as she did. 

“No!” Came Rosalie Hale’s voice from somewhere unseen. “No, do not open that door!”

“What’s happening?” Edward Cullen’s confused voice joined the rest of the voices. 

“I’m opening the door.” There was such excitement in Carlisle Cullen’s voice that it took the beast who was Sam a little longer to identify him. 

“Dear, perhaps opening that door is not-” 

“Yo, what’s the ruckus?” Emmett, honorary werewolf, spoke up, causing most of the pack to cram towards the door. 

Carlisle was still quite often completely deaf to anyone’s reasons but his own, and he was not about to pass on the opportunity to invite an entire werewolf pack into his home, consequences be damned. Sam didn’t have time to think a lot about it, but he rather quickly realized that inviting a pack of werewolves would cause a mess, which someone would have to clean up, and that was generally unpleasant. There were reasons werewolves didn’t transform in their own home.

The door flung open, and Carlisle held out his arms to his guests. He opened his mouth as if to welcome them, but before he had any chances of speaking, the werewolf avalanche swallowed him up. As he disappeared beneath the waves of fur and legs, he smiled like a mad captain being pulled into the depths of the ocean along his sinking ship. 

Most werewolves cascaded into the house, knocking things and people over as they went. Carlisle was the first victim, but he would not be the last. Rosalie screamed as she jumped up on a sofa, raising her magazine as a club above her head as to warn any beasts about her accepted level of cuddling, which was pretty much a rate of zero. Esme was standing in a corner, which she backed into further as the pack advanced. She was ignored for the most part, as there were much more pleasant targets to be knocked over and cuddled. Even in the shape of a beast, Sam had identified the woman as someone who seemed to take care of most of the household work, and already did feel bad for the mess she would have to deal with.

When the beast who was Sam entered, last of his pack, two werewolves were still cuddling the man, who looked more messed up than Sam had ever seen him. His hair was in complete disarray, and he smiled wider than Sam had ever seen anyone smile. He just hoped that Carlisle wasn’t actually allergic to fur, as he was pretty sure that the vampire would die again before he asked the werewolves to not swarm him. Leaving the not-man to his most-likely-not-cuddle-demise, Sam continued inside the house. 

He trudged on into the living room to inspect the scene there. Rosalie was still on the sofa, now playing tug of war with Leah Clearwater, and the vampire still seemed rather annoyed. Normally, the vampire would be stronger, but with the position she was currently in, Leah was on equal terms with her. Rosalie was stuttering out fragmented sentences at the female werewolf’s behavior, but Leah just wagged her tail. 

The beast who was Sam noticed Jacob over by his boyfriend, Edward Cullen. The two of them were the very reason that this was all happening, and yet nobody bothered Edward with cuddles. Sam figured that some brave soul might have tried and been completely and utterly told off by the gigantic beast who was Jacob. It seemed more likely to him than all the canines being able to respect that Edward preferred his werewolf over their, to them, equally cuddle worthy faces. The two of them were already moving out of the living room, with Edward having his hand on Jacob’s back. The last he heard was the vampire asking Jacob to “mind the claws.”

The pack leader rolled his eyes as he turned towards the two werewolf piles which had formed in the room. The smaller one contained three werewolves with a giggling Alice at the bottom. She was trying very hard to pet them all, and they were all fighting for the right to her scratches. The beast who was Sam was not impressed. That woman still smelled bad to him, she smelled of illnesses and disorders which made her very unsuitable for food, which in turn led the pack leader to discard her in terms of friendship as well. He didn’t hate her, he simply didn’t really want anything to do with her, and in the end it was just instinctual.

The second pile had Emmett, honorary werewolf, at the bottom. He had most likely been tackled down and swarmed, five werewolves were rushing around him, barking and howling and pressing themselves against him in playful manners. Emmett himself looked deeply touched, and he was talking to them while trying to pet them all, not that they were able to stand still long enough to be petted. 

“Aww, you guys!” Emmett laughed. “Did you miss me? Did all of you come here just cause you missed me? Or are you trying to get some snacks from us? You’re all the best, I missed you too, oh, hey, no tongue kisses now!” He pushed the head of one werewolf to the side, avoiding her as she eagerly licked his face. 

This was all a little too much familiarity and happiness for the beast who was Sam, and he retreated up on top of the couch to look out over his pack. After having counted them, he counted the vampires and realized that they were one vampire short. Jasper Hale, or as Sam knew him, the twitchy one, wasn’t there. 

Sam had never really seen the worst parts of Jasper, but he was well aware that the vampire had trouble controlling himself. He had never seen the worst of it, but Edward had been honest about his family member’s troubles as to promote honesty and openness between the Olympic Covenant and the tribe. Sam also vaguely recalled a part of Jacob’s story regarding Bella Swan, and how Jasper had nearly hurt the woman, even if it never quite happened. There had been no incidents, but Jasper had at times chosen to remove himself from larger groups as to not pose a danger to anyone. Normally, Sam respected that behavior, and didn’t generally think anymore of it, but during these circumstances, he found himself unable to relax without at least knowing if the vampire was in the house. 

Thus, the pack leader left his pack to cuddle the vampires. He trusted that everyone would be alright, and that nobody in the household was foolish enough to think that they could bite a werewolf and get away with it in the company of their pack. 

Sam found the stairs, and ascended them with slow, careful steps. It was not hard to isolate a person’s room by their scent, he easily located everyone’s room by simply sniffing the ground in front of the door. Edward’s room was at the front of the building, furthest away from the stairs, and judging by the scent, Jasper’s room was just opposite of it. Sam didn’t know it at the time, but the rooms were sound proof as to allow the vampire in question to at least be decently alone in their own space. The sound proof walls made it so that vampires heard each other like a human would sometimes hear their neighbors, rather than constantly being aware of one another. To the werewolves, the sound proofing was total, but not to the vampires. 

Jasper was waiting for him as the black beast who was Sam pushed the door open with his nose and looked inside. It seemed Jasper had somehow known he was coming. 

Jasper’s room was modest, he had a pretty much empty desk with only a computer on it, a bed big enough for two, and a collection of bookcases along the walls. Sam was a little too much of a beast to understand written language for the moment, so he simply glossed over their existence and focused on the other beast in the room. 

Jasper Hale truly appeared like a beast in his den to Sam, he was sitting upon the bed, slightly hunched forward as if ready to leap. The golden eyes shimmered faintly in the darkness, and he sat with such utter stillness that the beast who was Sam found it hard to tell if he was alive or not. He then recalled that the other was a vampire, and therefore wasn’t exactly alive in the first place. 

The scent of blood was thick in the air, but it was not human blood. Sam couldn’t identify the scents perfectly, but he knew some of the blood as familiar scents, meaning that whatever blood Jasper had feasted on, it had likely been from common forest animals. 

They remained still for a while, the monster in its lair staring at the intruder. Sam slowly lifted his leg and crossed the threshold. Jasper followed him with his unblinking, golden eyes as he walked inside his room. Without really taking his eyes off the vampire, the werewolf wandered around in his room, carefully sniffing some of the furniture. They came to another halt, Jasper on top of his bed, and Sam on the other side of it, once he had walked around the bed frame. Unlike Jacob and Edward, they had no real way of simple communication, leading to another stare down. 

Sam lift a giant paw and placed it upon the bed. Jasper didn’t object, but Sam could smell that he was tensing up. The vampire’s upper lip twitched, but he still remained in place. In a swift movement, the giant beast of a wolf jumped up on the bed, and sat down. He was far larger than Jasper, and for a moment he stopped to look down upon the much smaller creature. 

With the tension still thick in the air, the blood drinking beast finally spoke up. “What do you want?” His words were a lot more than merely a threat, and a lot more than a statement. It was a very direct question hiding a collection of complex feelings and meanings. He had every right to be uncomfortable around an uninvited stranger in his house, and he had every right to feel threatened by someone seeking him out while he had removed himself from the group, but there was definitely more to it.

In response to the tense question, Sam yawned and laid down upon the bed, turning to face the door. He wasn’t directly lying in the other’s lap, but his back pressed against the vampire’s body as he focused his attention on the open door, listening to the noises which came from below. It was a position which allowed Sam to keep the potential danger to his pack isolated from those it might harm, while allowing himself the rest from the stressful task of overlooking a collection of werewolves as they hurricaned through the not-werewolf-proof house. Sam didn’t even think of it as an insulting thing to do, it was the night of the full moon and whatever understanding he had of the world around him during that night was not the same as he had when the sun had risen. He might be far more aware than his fellow pack members, but he was still a beast. 

For a long time, Jasper sat silent behind him, most likely listening to the noises alongside him. Neither of them moved, until Sam lowered his head down on the bed, still looking at the door. There seemed to be a constant level of noise coming from below, and Sam was certain that more than a few fragile items lost their lives in tragic accidents caused by the pack, but he wasn’t in a state of mind where he cared. Somewhere not too long after the beast who was Sam retreated into the den of Jasper, he heard Rosalie escape the pack and lock herself into her room. Other than that, no one else came up the stairs. 

Sam didn’t know how long they had sat together on the bed, with his own heavy frame resting against the vampire’s, but he jumped when he felt Jasper’s hand upon his back. He quickly turned towards the other beast, glaring at him with a warning look in his eye. 

“...It’s okay.” Jasper’s voice was soft, and Sam could feel his mind grow drowsy as the other spoke. He had such a relaxing voice, every tune and every rise and fall seemed designed to specifically adhere to his preferences. “I’m just petting you, surely you like pets?” He moved his hand upwards, stroking over his back and up his neck. 

Sam let out a deep, heavy breath as he turned away from the door and put his large head on Jasper’s lap. He blinked slowly, waiting for the other to pet him more. 

“So you came here to guard me, is that it?” Jasper continued as his slim fingers gently rubbed against Sam’s scalp. An ear twitched as he found a particularly relaxing spot. “Do you even understand me at this point?” He waited for an answer which didn’t come. Sam couldn’t quite understand him, but he could tell that the vampire didn’t intend to harm him. He did understand speech mostly, but his mind was starting to feel hazier by the minute. 

“I guess not.” A second hand was added to the first, and Sam’s tail began to slowly wag from side to side as he was subjected to some scratches of utmost quality. “It’s late, you should probably sleep. You must be really tired.” As he suggested it, Sam yawned, licking his lips afterwards. “Go to sleep, I promise not to move.” 

At the time, Sam didn’t realize what was going on. He thought that it was nothing but himself being tired, and saw nothing strange in what was happening. It wasn’t until the next day that he would realize just how strange it was for him to feel that relaxed around a man whom he clearly didn’t trust in the least. Yet for the moment, listening to Jasper’s wonderfully relaxing voice and falling asleep in his lap seemed completely natural. His eyes fluttered shut, and he sank into the welcoming grip of sleep, while the werewolf tornado continued somewhere down below.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Sam Uley woke up, he found himself in a stranger’s bed. It wasn’t the first time he had woken up in a place which he didn’t immediately recognize, but he generally woke up out in the woods, on a log or crashed against a rock. It was very different to find that he had not passed out in a comfy hole in nature, but a completely normal bed.

When Sam Uley woke up, he found himself in a stranger’s bed. It wasn’t the first time he had woken up in a place which he didn’t immediately recognize, but he generally woke up out in the woods, on a log or crashed against a rock. It was very different to find that he had not passed out in a comfy hole in nature, but a completely normal bed. However, what threw him off the most it was the scent of blood, which truly caught him off guard. He sat up and reached for his mouth, checking to see if the remains of a prey animal was still coating his face. To his great surprise, he tasted no blood, and found none on his face or hands. 

“...What… are you doing?” A hesitant, or skeptical, voice spoke up behind him. Sam turned to find Jasper Hale sitting on the same bed as him. The werewolf stared at the other like he was a ghost, having no idea why the heck he was in the same bed as a vampire. He might be the most aware of the werewolves in his pack during a full moon, but that didn’t mean that he remembered everything as soon as he woke up. 

“I smell blood.” Sam stated, a lot more aggressively than he meant to. 

Jasper tensed up. It wasn’t that he looked frightened, or even all that guilty, but he looked ready. Expectant even. “It’s animal blood. I realized that your pack had arrived, and I am not taking any risks around you. When I realized you were here, I drank the blood I have stored here as to not pose a threat.” He said the word ‘threat’ very strangely, like a broken man, spitting out the name of the victim he had previously denied ever having met. 

“Wait… We...what?” The pack leader’s answer was more or less incoherent as he blinked at the blonde vampire. 

“Your pack.” Jasper’s voice was patient as he answered, “you arrived late yesterday and practically destroyed the house. Not quite, but you have certainly caused some damage.”

“Oh.” Sam suddenly remembered having heard a lot of crashing noises coming from downstairs yesterday. He put an arm over his face and slowly fell back down upon the bed, groaning as his aching back was stretched out. “Yeah, we… We came for Emmett. Somehow we just found ourselves here and the next thing I remember, we were inside.” 

The scent of death should have been overwhelming in this vampire den, but Sam hadn’t even thought of it. It felt strange to realize that the scent which he had previously found so very disturbing was something he had failed to notice in his most sensitive state. 

Since he was hiding his face, Sam missed Jasper’s smile, and the look of satisfaction and intrigue in his eyes, as the vampire continued speaking. “Emmett? You came here for your missing pack member Emmett?” 

The pack leader misinterpreted the other’s slight amusement as mockery, and he bit back with aggression which he normally wouldn’t have dreamed of using. “What’s it to you?” 

Sam wasn’t an angry person, in most aspects, he might even be described as passively calm. It might be true that he could be aggressive if cornered by situations he felt helpless in, but in most cases, he was very passive. However, the day before and the day after a full moon came with a lot of hormonal changes, and simple things could make him a lot more mad than he had any right to be. In this case, he was further stressed about his situation, and where he had lead his pack. Not to mention that he was uncomfortable to be alone with a vampire who he only knew as potentially dangerous. None of these reasons was an excuse for his behavior, and Sam knew that. However, he was also stressed enough that he didn’t respect the vampire like he should have, and finding a way to let his anger out felt relieving. It was selfish, it was cruel, even, but in that moment, Sam failed to realize his mistake. 

Jasper’s expression turned dark. Unbeknownst to the werewolf, he could feel what Sam was feeling, and the hostility of the werewolf was clearly not something he was about to tolerate. “Oh?” The voice which Sam recalled as the most pleasant noise in the world suddenly turned cold and hard, cutting into the werewolf like a blade of ice. “You mean to tell me that I have no right to question what is happening in my home?” 

“That’s not what I said.” Sam groaned and sat up. He stared into Jasper’s eyes, expecting to have the other avoid his dominant glare. To his great surprise, Jasper calmly looked back, completely unfazed by his stare. 

“Well then, what did you say.” It wasn’t a question, Jasper issued a demand for answers. 

“Nothing, we just… got here.” Sam didn’t falter, but he really didn’t have a good explanation for what had happened. “It doesn’t mean anything other than that we got here, and your dad let us in.” 

“He’s not my dad, neither is he my father. I am part of this covenant but I do not condone playing family. Not anymore. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a say in what happens in this house.” There was a forceful conviction behind his words. 

Somehow, that tone of voice only served to make Sam all the more annoyed. “So why are you blaming me for this?” 

“I’m not blaming you for anything, I am simply trying to ask what gives you the right to invade our home while we as vampires would be ripped to pieces and killed if we set foot on werewolf soil without your permission.” Jasper stared into his eyes, cornering him with a mere locking of their eyes. 

Sam looked away first. “Well, isn’t that your treaty which made that our right with which to defend ourselves? Weren’t you there when it was written?” 

The vampire scoffed in response. “Because we had a choice? Because we had so very much to say in the creation of that treaty?” 

“Well, it’s hardly something I can do anything about now!” Sam was agitated enough to raise his voice. He had completely forgotten that the door was still open and that vampires had good hearing. “Besides, nobody is going to just rip you apart without reason, what the heck made you think that?” 

“You have said it yourself, both to Edward and to Jacob. You yourself have stated that you’ll make sure that we are chased out and destroyed for any mistakes we might make!” Jasper’s voice rose as well, to match Sam’s. 

“Killing people isn’t exactly a mistake!”

“Because werewolves have never killed anyone by mistake?”

“We don’t feast on the fucking carcass for nourishment!” Sam was angry enough that he wanted to attack the other, bite into him and trash him around until he stopped being frightening. This wasn’t normal to him, these feelings shouldn’t be normal or accepted by anyone. Sam knew that, but he let the post werewolf hormones get the better of him. “We can control ourselves, unlike you!”

Jasper raised his hand, more or less throwing it up into Sam’s face. The werewolf’s muscles, which had previously been preparing for a fight, relaxed. It was as if someone had hit a switch within him, and he slumped down onto the bed, his arms suddenly far too heavy to lift. A confused, weak whimpering left his lips. It took him some time to even understand that it had come from him. He couldn’t quite comprehend what had happened, but he was suddenly overcome with an almost choking sense of shame. Whatever traces of authority which Sam had imagined that he possessed were completely removed from his being, and he experienced complete submission towards the vampire in front of him. Sam had been aware that he was acting out of order, and much like a puppy being forced into submission as punishment for acting out, he felt the overwhelming weight, almost unrealistically so, of feeling like he was being lectured by an older, far more powerful animal. 

“Controlling yourself?” The vampire’s voice was so very, very soft again. So brutally pleasant that Sam’s head felt light at even the lowest trembles of it. “You’re barking at me like a rabid dog, you’re not controlling yourself in the least.”

Jasper wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t triumphant, he wasn’t even threatening as he glared down at him. No, Jasper was an authority, someone who had seen disobedience and knew how to react accordingly. He was coldly and calcutately looking down upon the forcefully relaxed body of the werewolf. “ You are being threatening, loud, and disrespectful, and I will not stand for it any longer.” 

In hindsight, it was rather strange for Sam to just suddenly be overwhelmed by the feeling of submission at the time when he was that angry. Yet in that moment, while being distantly aware that he was being unreasonable, and that he was only lashing out at Jasper because of his own unstable mental state, it made complete sense to Sam that he was suddenly overcome with shame for his actions. “I’m sorry.” It felt like it was all he could do to apologize. 

Jasper still stared down at him, he had lowered his hand but was nonetheless any less frightening to look upon. 

“I… I behaved very unfittingly. But I can’t remember ever having said that we’d kill you. You make it sound like it’s something I’m constantly going around saying… or, something like that.” He kept his head lowered in shame, his shoulders slightly raised in an attempt to hide from the other’s stern eyes. 

“You have said it though. You have threatened Edward with it.” 

Sam winched in response. He recalled doing that, sort of. He didn’t remember it being that traumatic of an experience, he had simply tried to make a point and uphold the security of his pack towards a creature which he couldn’t see as anything but a monster. To him, it had been natural to threaten the invading beast. Yet now, seeing the effects it had on the vampire in front of him who he now knew to be a person, Sam felt ashamed over the way he had acted.

“I didn’t really mean it…” He recoiled, weakly. 

“Didn’t really mean it?” The sound of the other’s voice made him want to curl together and cover his head. It cut into him like icicles. “You have been constantly threatening me and my family because one of us had the audacity to fall in love with a werewolf, do you… Do you have any idea how frightening it is to have that on your shoulders? To know that one single failure can result in the death of the people who are the closest to you?” 

The last words were strange, they almost seemed out of place but then Sam realized just what Jasper was actually talking about. It wasn’t a logical statement, the vampire wasn’t calmly forcing him to see the errors of his ways, but had instead accidentally confessed to being scared. Jasper seemed a little surprised himself over what he had just said, but instead of trying to take his words back, there was a forced calm over his expression, as if remaining entirely calm would shield him from the emotions hanging heavy in the air.

It just became so painfully clear to Sam that his actions had consequences. He wasn’t as stupid as to think that nothing he did had any effect at all, but to threaten undead creatures who had lived for hundreds of years, or so he thought, didn’t seem to be that big of a deal. However, Jasper was clearly hurting because of what he had said. He was clearly in pain, and haunted by the idea that Sam’s words were more than just an empty threat. Jasper was a real threat to his family, he was constantly endangering them with his inability to control himself. If he had actually managed to harm Bella that one time, his entire family would have been slaughtered. Now, he was more often than not surrounded by people, by those who should be his food. One mistake, as he had put it, could lead to the death of everyone he held close. Of course Sam’s threat hurt Jasper, of course he was frightened beyond words that he would come to be the cause of a massacre. Sam couldn’t anymore pretend to ignore the truth that the vampires were people who cared for one another. He knew better than that. 

Sam licked his lips, and stared down at the covers. “...I’m sorry. I… I understand that it wasn’t a… good thing to do. I get that it was unfair, I was just… and still am, scared. I’m also scared of losing my loved ones, and seeing them transformed as some-” he managed to stop himself from saying ‘abomination.’ 

“That doesn’t make it an acceptable thing to say.” Jasper’s words were harsh, because they were true. It was a little impressive that Jasper seemed to know these truths so clearly and obviously, despite being scared of himself.

“...I’m sorry.” Once again, it was all he could do to try and convey his feelings. “I won’t do that anymore.” 

They sat in silence for a while, and Sam was suddenly hit by the realization that he was naked. Really, this should have occurred to him sooner, but it was so natural to be naked after a transformation that it truly had taken him this long to realize. Which in turn meant that he had almost engaged in a fisticuffs with a vampire...naked. Sam turned a deep red and quickly scrambled for some manner of cover, which in this case ended up being a pillow. 

Jasper blinked at him, and then shook his head. The tension in the room seemed to slowly ebb out, and the vampire gave him a small smile. The kind of smile one tended to give a person when they had absolutely nothing to talk about but didn’t want to be rude. “You really don’t have to hide. I don’t mind.” 

“W-well, I do…” Sam mumbled, looking around for clothes which he knew for a fact to not be anywhere within miles close to his current location. 

“You shouldn’t. You don’t really have anything to be embarrassed about. It’s just a body, nothing more.” Jasper’s voice was once again sounding like the most pleasant melody, and Sam found himself calmed by his words.

“Thanks?” 

“...Do you want me to ask Emmett if you can borrow a shirt from him? I’d let you have one of mine, but nothing I own fits you.” 

“...Please.” 

Jasper stood up and walked towards the door, disappearing out of it. He wasn’t actually gone for very long, but Sam couldn’t help but feel like he was gone for an eternity. It didn’t even occur to him that he could have transformed into his beastly form while he waited. The bed was already covered in fur, so it likely wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. 

Nonetheless, Jasper returned, and handed him a big grey T-shirt which was just a little too big for Sam. He was about Emmett’s height, but the two of them were somewhat differently structured. He pulled it over his head and leaned back in the bed, still covering himself with the pillow. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” Jasper sat back down on his bed, looking at the werewolf with those unblinking, golden vampire eyes. 

“...I thought of something while you were gone.” Sam hesitated before he spoke up. Jasper raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. It was still a bit overwhelming to see the vampire he had only known as twitchy and dangerous be so… collected. “I’m still not trying to excuse myself, but I was thinking… Like, your problem lies in not being able to drink human blood. That is to say, it works for everyone else to drink animal blood, but it’s not enough for you, right?” 

“I don’t see where you are going with this.” Jasper’s answer was flat, unimpressed. 

“Well, am I right?” 

“You… I suppose you are right.” He sighed, shaking his head. He didn’t seem to be hiding that the conversational topic was making him uncomfortable.

“Suppose there was another alternative…” Sam began. “Suppose you could actually drink from someone who wasn’t an animal, but neither a human.” His tongue felt strangely dry as he formed the words, and the look of disbelief and slight annoyance on Jasper’s face didn’t make it any easier. 

“Are you mock-” 

“No! No… I… I’m not.” Sam retorted. “It’s just that I… I feel like I have failed somehow. All this time, I have constantly been questioning Jake, treated him like a child who was making a mistake and needed to be lectured about it. I have been threatening Edward’s family, uh, your family, for seemingly no good reason, and all I have gotten in return have been respectful acceptance. I’ve been the constant stick in the mud, bringing everyone down with my own fears about you and your kind. Everyone else is trying, everyone else is integrating, and I’m just here… acting like a... jerk.” He bit his lower lip, trying not to be too colorful in his description of his feelings towards himself. “Even now, after I’ve been treating you with such unfair hostility, you brought me a shirt as to not make me uncomfortable.” 

Jasper was silent, staring at him, silently urging him to continue speaking. 

“The treaty says that you aren’t allowed to drink human blood. I’m not human. So… I’m offering you my blood.” Sam finished, feeling a little sheepish in not having a very powerful ending to his offer. 

“Are you… serious? You’re offering me your blood? As the werewolf pack leader?” Jasper was staring at him again, as if he was trying to pierce his mind with his eyes. The vampire seemed to understand, to some degree, the weight of being a pack leader, or at least so the question made it seem. It was true that Sam was supposed to be a role model for his pack, and that his decisions and behaviours could affect his role as a leader, a lot.

“As I said, it wouldn’t break the terms stated within the treaty. You don’t have to kill a person when you drink their blood, right? So… if you’re just careful, and only take enough to not be hungry and then continuing on with the animal blood diet or whatever you call it.”

“Vegetarian diet.” 

“That’s what you call it?” Sam looked at the other in disbelief, and Jasper shrugged uncomfortably at his stare. 

“It’s what Carlisle calls it.” 

“Yeah, that… I can see him do that.” Sam agreed. “Either way, do you think that would help? You being able to control yourself better would only benefit both your family, my tribe, and the community of Forks by that extent.” 

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you are trying to offer,” Jasper trailed off, looking somewhat distant as he spoke, sounding very formal and polite in the process. “But I’m not certain I would be able to stop it if I started to drink from a human. I might… I could kill you and…” It was clear that he was struggling to speak about it, terror causing his throat to freeze the words before they could leave his mouth. Still, he was forming the words, he was conveying his fears to a stranger, which in Sam’s eyes was very brave. It made Sam want to be brave in return.

Sam took a deep breath. “I was the first of my generation to transform. There are older werewolves, sure, but I was the first in a long time who was struggling through it. For the longest time, I didn’t even believe werewolves existed at all.” It was a little strange to admit these things to a pretty much stranger, but Sam felt like it was very important to do just that in this context. “I went through something very frightening with nobody there to help me, but I was also able to help the rest of the younger werewolves when the time came, but it’s not like I have forgotten what it was like to feel alone. The other, older werewolves sort of just… expected me to figure it out. Billy tried to help, but as he can’t run anymore, he was sort of just able to assist me in telling me that I would be okay.” 

“Who is Billy?” Jasper interrupted, looking at him with a confused expression. 

“Oh, ah, he’s Jake’s dad. And… sort of my dad too. My mom was, I mean, my dad was also… I… It’s not really important for all this but I’ve basically grown up as Billy’s adoptive son. He adopted me officially when my mom passed. Either way, he was wounded pretty long ago and he’s in a wheelchair now. He can’t exactly run with his original pack anymore, so he’s mostly a temperamental dog during full moons.”

“You aren’t all that good at explaining things, are you?” Jasper sounded amused, but not mockingly so. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Fine, no… I’ve never been good at speaking about my feelings. Or… speaking in general, I guess.” 

After another short silence, Jasper continued. “A lot of people find that hard. It’s good that you are trying.” 

“I don’t exactly feel like I am doing good here.” Sam’s tone turned dry. 

“You are trying. That’s what’s important.” 

“That’s… surprisingly encouraging.” 

“Are you being sarcastic right now?” 

“No, no I’m not… Ugh.” Sam pressed his face against the pillow, hiding from the other. “I’m just not good at this.” 

To his surprise, Sam felt the cold vampire’s fingers gently stroke over his head. He tensed up slightly, but when the careful fingertips softly continued to calm him down, Sam allowed his body to relax. Not completely, but at least enough that he was no longer tense. “You were doing good. Actually good. Until you got nervous. Try to relax and the continue. I will do my best to not interrupt you again.” Jasper’s fingers rubbed careful circles into Sam’s scalp. 

“...Okay.” Sam took a deep breath and tried his best to continue where he left off. “So… the point I’m trying to make is that I had no other choice than to suffer through it all alone. If there is another solution, if there is a way to help that wouldn’t actually hurt anyone, don’t you think that that’s the best alternative?” 

Jasper licked his lips, thinking. He looked visibly uncomfortable. “It could be dangerous. If I can’t stop, then…” 

“I have wrestled all my pack members to the ground more times than I can count. I am able to keep them under some manner of leadership, and I have kept them from hurting one another and the people around them.” When Sam wasn’t thinking too hard about what he wanted to say, it wasn’t that hard to make his point. “I can and will physically stop you if you were to lose control. In absolute worst case, I can transform into my wolf shape. There is just no way that you’d be able to hold onto me with your mouth while I change. As a beast, I am stronger.” He was absolutely certain of his strength in that aspect. 

“You really don’t have a reason to do this… I don’t know if I even like the idea of you giving me your blood just because you feel pity for me struggling.” The vampire was still hesitant, but Sam could tell that the offer was tempting to him. He couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to feel such a strong hunger and need for something so morally questionable and dangerous. No wonder Jasper always smelled a little uncomfortable.

“I’m not pitying you.” The werewolf lift his head but found that facing the other was too hard, so he stared in front of himself instead. “Back at the barbecue, we were all wrestling Emmett, do you remember that?” After Jasper having nodded in agreement, Sam continued. “He lost to me on purpose. He didn’t do it because I was weak or anything like that. I thought so at first, so I asked him. He told me that he lost because he respected me and my position. He didn’t want to be the outsider who caused disruption within my pack for the sake of a pathetic round of play wrestling.” 

Jasper smiled ever so slightly when he heard what Emmett had said. “That sounds like him, yes.” 

“I was insulted at first, I also thought that he pitied me but I realized that I was wrong. So I just want to offer you something like what he did to me. Not out of pity, but… out of friendship.” Sam finally reached the conclusion he had been struggling to get to. Friendship was what Jacob had offered the vampires, it was what the vampires had offered the tribe, and Sam felt like he was the last one left out of that loop, even if it wasn’t entirely true. 

Jasper stared down at him for a long time before he finally answered. “...If we truly do this, then you can only give me blood on agreed dates. That is to say, I don’t want you suddenly showing up to offer me blood. I want to pick a date and then settle on that and only that.” 

“Wait, why would I just… show up and give you blood? I’d at least warn you before showing up.” Sam felt completely baffled by the idea that he would just appear with blood without the other’s expressed consent. Who in their right mind would think that that was an even remotely good or sane idea? 

“You can only give me blood on the agreed dates, and even then no surprises, I need to know when and where and have verbally agreed to it,” Jasper’s voice left no room for questioning. 

“That’s completely fine with me. How often can I give you blood and all that?” He sat up again, looking over at the other now. This planning state was so much more comfortable than the nervous landscape of wondering if his offer was going to be rejected. 

“I… don’t actually know.” The vampire confessed. “I have a lot of things I have to look up about it before we can safely make it a possibility, but I wanted to make sure that you don’t get any strange ideas about anything beforehand.” 

“Do you know how insane you make me sound when you question me like that?” 

“I just…” Jasper trailed off. “I just want this to be done right. Any mistakes could have really bad consequences, this need to be done right.” Once again, his words left no room for questioning, so Sam simply nodded in agreement. 

Now that the stressful discussion was dealt with, Sam began to realize just how tired he was. He blinked slowly as he searched the room for any kind of clock or alarm. 

Jasper picked up on what he was looking for. “Are you tired?” 

“Sort of… what time is it?” 

“It’s still in the middle of the night.” 

“You serious?” Sam blinked at him. 

“Yes. You should probably go to sleep, you have a pack to lead home in the morrow.” Jasper was smiling again. A small, reassuring smile, but Sam wasn’t entirely sure if it was sincere. Every word which left his lips made Sam feel all the more sleepy. 

“I… yeah, I guess I will sleep.” He placed his head upon the pillows behind him, now hugging the one he had used to censor his crotch. “Don’t you dare bite me while I sleep…” He mumbled as he closed his eyes. Sam fell asleep so quickly that he couldn’t make out if he got a reply of not from Jasper.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good morning!” Carlisle beamed at him, his hair was still on end and his clothes were in a general state of disarray. He was also covered in fur, making it seem like he had played with the werewolves all night. Sam held no doubts that that was what Carlisle had done. 
> 
> “...Hi?” Sam responded, before he remembered his rehearsed apology. “About last night-” he didn’t manage to finish his sentence before the old vampire spoke over him. 
> 
> “Yes, it was wonderful!” The older one’s expression made him seem absolutely insane. Like a crazy salesman who had just cornered a customer with his wares. “How much fun it was, how wonderfully enlightening it was to see you all in your natural shapes. Oh my good Samuel, how very thoughtful of you to bring your pack to us!” 
> 
> “J-just… Sam. Sam is fine…” He didn’t have the heart or the bravery to tell the vampire that he was actually just named Sam. Further, he didn’t have the courage to say that he never intended or wanted to come to this den of vampires. 

Jasper’s Messenger profile picture was a yellow rubber duck. One of those cheap, mass produced ones which looked like it was wearing lipstick rather than a beak. The more Sam stared at its giant, dead, plastic eye, the less he understood why he was looking at it. 

\---Jasper Hale wants to send a message to you. Accept?---

Sam read the words on the screen again, trying not to look at the rubber duck and instead at the screen. Slowly, he chewed on his own tongue, thinking the whole thing over just one more time. 

When he had woken up in Jasper’s bed a second time, this time alone, it had taken him a little to remember his offer. There had been a lot of other things to take care of first. Dressed in Emmett’s shirt, Sam had walked down the stairs, rehearsing his apology in his head when he encountered Alice by the end of the stairs. He hadn’t noticed her at all until she was right in front of him, but before he could figure out what to say, she had reached up and grabbed his face. For a second, panic rose in his chest, upon realizing just how strong the little sick girl was. Then she smiled at him, and smushed his face with her hands like one might a baby’s. 

“It is a good choice you have made. It will help him a lot, thank you.” Alice spoke in her distant, slightly delirious voice. “It will lead to many good things, do not doubt yourself.” 

Before Sam could start questioning what in the world she was on about, she had wandered off up the stairs. He looked after her, and when he turned to continued back to the living room, he suddenly had Carlisle Cullen in front of him. Sam hurriedly took a few steps back. 

“Good morning!” Carlisle beamed at him, his hair was still on end and his clothes were in a general state of disarray. He was also covered in fur, making it seem like he had played with the werewolves all night. Sam held no doubts that that was what Carlisle had done. 

“...Hi?” Sam responded, before he remembered his rehearsed apology. “About last night-” he didn’t manage to finish his sentence before the old vampire spoke over him. 

“Yes, it was wonderful!” The older one’s expression made him seem absolutely insane. Like a crazy salesman who had just cornered a customer with his wares. “How much fun it was, how wonderfully enlightening it was to see you all in your natural shapes. Oh my good Samuel, how very thoughtful of you to bring your pack to us!” 

“J-just… Sam. Sam is fine…” He didn’t have the heart or the bravery to tell the vampire that he was actually just named Sam. Further, he didn’t have the courage to say that he never intended or wanted to come to this den of vampires. 

Somewhere behind Carlisle, the sound of werewolves waking up could be heard. It was coming from the living room, so Sam maneuvered around Carlisle and approached that room instead. 

“Ow.” 

“Ughn… Is this a vase?” 

“It’s pronounced vaaaas.” 

“Where are we? This isn’t the woods.” 

“Get your foot out of my face.”

“Seth, get out from under the table.” 

Sam heard the sound of something hitting wood. “Ow! Hecking table.” 

“I warned you.” 

“Come now, we’re werewolves, not…”

“Swearwolves!” More than one person yelled the answer. 

“Alright, everyone.” Sam called out to them as he stepped inside the room, not loudly, he didn’t need to be loud to be heard. The sight which met him upon entering the living room threw him off just a little. He had seen his pack after transformation before, but the stark contrast of naked bodies lying everywhere in a completely normal, indoor room was… something new. Sam felt his cheeks heat slightly, and he had to stop and gather himself before continuing speaking. “It seems we ended up at the Cullens' place last night. We have caused quite the mess but at the very least the master of the house doesn’t seem to mind.” 

“This is the vampire den?” 

“The stuff is all modern.” 

“Yikes… this vaaaas looks a lil’ expensive. Even in pieces.” 

“Bet you broke it.” 

“Bet I did not!” 

“Morning.” Behind Sam, he heard a sleepy voice speak up. He didn’t need to turn to know that it was Jacob, who came wandering up to him, followed by his vampire sweetcheeks. Jacob looked refreshed and happy, like he had gotten a good night’s sleep in the arms of someone he trusted and loved. As the slightly taller man looked out over the pack of werewolves who were now getting to their feet, he smiled. “Oh boy, we sure made a mess…”

“I… I suppose we did.” Sam agreed, sighing. 

“Hey! Jacob has clothes!” Seth, who had managed to crawl out from under the table without any more incidents pointed at him. 

“...So does Sam.” Leah got to her feet and Sam tried very hard to not look at her. With or without clothes, she was beautiful. He held no real attractions to her anymore, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t acknowledge that she was pleasing to look at. That quickly became a problem, as looking at your previous girlfriend naked was highly disrespectful to say the least. He knew her body well, and that added to his discomfort in looking at her. She had never been his, that sort of old fashioned thinking was just insulting to everyone, and Sam had never believed it. Yet, at the time, he had been allowed to look upon her naked figure due to an agreement of trust and want between the two of them, just like she had been allowed as well. To look upon it know felt wrong. He didn’t feel like he was allowed to, and he didn’t want to in case his glance was misinterpreted by someone else. 

Luckily enough, Leah’s words had been a mumble, rather than loud speaking. Nobody took notice of her words right then. 

“Of course I have clothes, my boyfriend lives here. I’ve left a set of clothes here in case I would need a change.” Jacob grinned, placing his hands on his hips in a way which made him seem almost triumphant. 

“Do you often change in front of him and rip your clothes?” Someone suggested, the very image of not-innocence. The words caused Edward to blush. 

“Nah, I usually need a change from more practical reasons.” Jacob winked, and Edward turned even redder. Sam wondered if vampires blushed naturally or if Edward was some freak of nature who had been changed by the power of love. 

“Hey, Sam’s got a shirt too!” Someone much louder than Leah pointed it out. 

“U-uh… yeah…” Sam looked down upon himself, blinking down at the unfamiliar T-shirt. The shirt said Green Day, the werewolf assumed that it was a band name, but he didn’t know for certain. 

“What vampire boyfriend gave you a shirt?” 

Sam jumped at the person before he had realized that he was planning on doing it. In the jump, he changed, but luckily enough, the shirt was big enough to survive the change. This lead to a naked man being chased around by a big black werewolf in a Green Day T-shirt. 

In the end, Carlisle refused to accept any ideas of payment for his broken furniture and items, when Sam tried to talk about it again, he straight up refused it. There was little to do for the pack than apologize and leave into the woods again. Jacob stayed behind to spend time with Edward, waving his pack off before going back inside, likely to help the rest of the Covenant convince Carlisle to clean up after letting the werewolves inside their home without anyone’s permission but his own. 

Sam returned to his own home, the T-shirt had been stretched out a little, but it was still whole and still wearable. As he held it up and looked at it, he felt pangs of guilt biting his chest. He decided to do his best and wash it, and see if that might make it returnable. Otherwise, he’d insist on paying for it. It was one thing not repaying the ancient vampire doctor who didn’t really need the money, and another borrowing a shirt from a honorary pack member and breaking it. 

As he stuffed the shirt into the washing machine, he realized that he had more than neglected his laundry for a while. With a deep sigh of resignation, he began filling a machine up. As he did, he thought back to yesterday. To the promise he had made. What a promise… Now when he was further away from the actual event, it became easier to think about it. 

Was it really a good choice? The arguments and reasoning he had been using at the time still seemed logical, but was he truly comfortable with giving his blood for someone else to eat? Wasn’t that a lot like chopping off a leg for the sake of feeding someone? That would be cannibalism, and despite what some idiot racist might chose to think, Native Americans didn’t exactly accept cannibalism or found it normal. 

Sam came to the conclusion that blood and meat were rather different, and he changed the way he was thinking about the topic. Blood couldn’t be made, it could only be given. So said the posters for the hospital organizations which collected blood. If one donated blood, that meant that that blood was going to enter another living body. That couldn’t be countered as cannibalism, and it wasn’t really that different from ingesting the blood. Not to mention that blood is a body fluid, like saliva and similar, which people exchanged on daily basis with one another, and swallowed themselves constantly. 

Sam found that the thing which weirded him out the most was the idea of actually being drunk from. The idea of someone biting into him, like he was a prey, and stealing the blood which kept him alive was… freaky. It seemed like such a very intimate thing, it felt like something which should be reserved for people who held a high level of trust between them. Not, well, two strangers who were both struggling for the sake of their respective community. 

Sam stuffed the last of the laundry in and started the machine, retreating to his bedroom to find some clothes. He brought them with him and headed into the shower. Normally when he showered the day after a full moon he would find all kinds of cuts and bruises and wounds all over his body. This time, he found nothing but a small scratch on his leg. It was strange, but welcome. As he showered, he tried very hard not to think about anything, instead filling the bathroom with a bad singing attempt of Bohemian Rhapsody. 

After his shower, he pulled a new T-shirt and a fresh pair of underwear on. He trudged on to the kitchen and made himself breakfast, sitting down in front of a huge cup of tea and his preferred type of sandwich. The day after a full moon was usually slow and distant. There always seemed to be such a calm over the tribe the day after, where everyone were resting and recovering. 

Sam stared out at the woods as he played with the tag of his teabag. He thought about it once more, thought about what giving his blood to a vampire would actually mean. He went over the pros and cons yet again and reached a conclusion which surprised him. 

He was scared. The idea of becoming a victim, of letting himself be in a position of weakness and powerlessness was frightening to him. He was a person who feared being hurt and who feared relying on people. He wasn’t good at expressing himself, and his inability to communicate had lead to a lot of misunderstandings and pain. A part of him was wondering if he was choosing to do something he wasn’t comfortable with for the sake of the community. To do something because one felt pressured by the community around them didn’t usually lead to a satisfying conclusion for the individual. Still, there were times where the lone individual really was holding on to toxic ideas of the past, and bringing change to a halt where they truly should be open instead. Sam was still unsure if he was the one being bullied into change, or if he was the one who was halting change for selfish purposes. 

Damn… he really wished that he had someone to speak to about these things. Jacob was the obvious choice but he was rather busy with his new relationship, and he was still stressed out over the crazy vampire lover and her insane actions. A part of Sam wondered if there would really have been any bad repercussions to letting her get… removed… that one time she came to look of Jacob. When he realized what he was thinking, he bit his lower lip and shook his head. He couldn’t just think about killing a person for the sake of his own peace of mind! What kind of messed up lunatic would that make him? Remove one obstacle, and there was always one more. Thinking about people as obstacles was far, far too dangerous. Still, he knew he didn’t actually mean it, the mind was a free space and sometimes people thought things they didn’t mean or even wanted to think. That didn’t make them horrible, and it didn’t make them act upon those stray thoughts. The problem was if a person was repeatedly doing it and acting upon it. 

Sam needed to think of something else. He picked up his phone, about to check if someone wanted something or if he should just take a nap. That was when he noticed the yellow rubber duck. That is to say, that Jasper Hale had sent him a friend request. After staring at the screen, and the duck, for at least two minutes, Sam put the phone down. He pulled the teabag out, added more honey to his tea, let it melt a little before mixing it around, and then had a scaldingly hot sip from it. With his throat burning from the hotness of the tea, he picked the rub- phone up and accepted the request to speak. 

Sam Uley: What’s with the duck? 

Jasper Hale: Alice picked it for me. She thinks it’s cute. 

Sam Uley: Ah 

Sam Uley: So what’s up? 

Jasper Hale: I wanted to ask if you are still willing to go through with the arrangement. 

Jasper Hale: I have done the proper research, but I want to hear your answer after you’ve had the time to relax and think it over in your own pace. 

Jasper Hale: Do you still want to?

Sam stared at the screen. He could feel his scalp sweat as he tried to make up his mind then and there. As he did, a realization came to him. This wasn’t permanent. This was not a lifetime long deal which he was binding himself to for forever. He only needed to do it once, if it was too frightening, if it was too uncomfortable, if it was something he never wanted again, he didn’t have to. He had people around him who would help him if he needed to get out of it, if Jasper would end up being cruel to him. Not that he thought that he would, but there was a possibility. It wouldn’t have made any sense for Jasper to be this careful and doubtful if he would force Sam into it, so at least that spoke of the other’s genuine intentions. 

Sam completely failed to realize just how much the situation was alike entering a relationship where the two partners didn’t know each other. It was a lot like engaging in a sexual relationship with a stranger, or someone one didn’t know quite as well, and many of the worries were similar. Sam wasn’t aware enough about these things to draw the connection. 

Sam Uley: Before that there is something I need to know

Jasper Hale: Of course. 

Sam Uley: I can cancel any time right? If I’m not fine with it we can stop at any time? 

Jasper Hale: Yes. I want to be honest, it will very likely be hard for me to stop, I am likely to feel negatively about it. However, it is of utmost importance to me that we stop if you aren’t comfortable with it anymore. Me feeling let down should not affect the judgement for what you feel is the best for you. 

Sam Uley: You’re talking so seriously about it

Jasper Hale: It is serious. And I don’t want to have any misconceptions from your part that you should suffer because of me. 

Sam Uley: I just need to know that I can cancel if it doesn’t feel good

Jasper Hale: Yes. You should. 

Sam Uley: Ok

Jasper Hale: There is something I want to ask in return. 

Sam Uley: Uh sure 

Jasper Hale: I would like to get to know you better. I would want to spend more time with you, talk to you, learn about you. I want to know you as a person, not as some manner of food dispenser. I want this to be an exchange between people, not just hunter and prey.

Sam Uley: So like hanging out as friends? 

Jasper Hale: Yes, I would like that very much. I want my mind to associate you with a person and a friend before I associate you with food. 

Sam Uley: Yeah I guess I’d rather not be associated with food 

Jasper Hale: Do you want me to go through the specifics in person or here in text? If we go through them in text, you will be able to screenshot them and show to people, should there be any form of breakage of the agreement. I too, will be showing the screenshots as proof if somebody was to be nervous or start to question me about it. 

Sam Uley: So we can both show the screenshots if someone questions us, or if the other was to break the agreement? 

Jasper Hale: Indeed. To give someone access to your body is always a serious matter, and it should be taken seriously. Even if it seems fine today, you could come to need proof in the future, either to protect yourself or the relationship. It is important to be that this is done right, if it isn’t, then something might go wrong and someone is likely to get hurt. I am not allowing my family to be attacked due to miscommunication between us. 

Sam Uley: I guess it is that serious. I’m sorry for acting like it wasn’t, this is just kind of a lot at once and I’m getting overwhelmed 

Jasper Hale: It’s okay to be overwhelmed, I can take it slower. I don’t mind. 

Sam Uley: Thanks. Just… where do we start? 

He spend the next hour on his phone, chatting with Jasper about the details for their blood- exchange relationship. Jasper based his research for how much blood a person could give per year on the reports of blood donation organizations, and had concluded that four times a year would be the only acceptable option for them. Sam had expected to feed him once a month or something, and was given a stern but informative explanation as to why that wouldn’t work. Jasper did note that due to Sam’s size, it was possible that he could give blood five times a year, but that the vampire was not comfortable with trying something without scientific proof that it was safe. 

Jasper had written a schedule for when it was safe for Sam to give blood. He had tried to keep the dates from weeks where the moon was full, and also suggested them to be rather flexible in terms of when the exchange would happen. 

They concluded with a summary of their agreements, which stated that after the first exchange, the would both agree to the follow up exchanges. The summary also stated that any one of them could cancel the agreement at any time. It wasn’t just about Sam’s feelings, Jasper was still unsure to what he wanted and was comfortable with as well. The date for giving blood for the first time was decided to be that weekend. It would allow Sam to recover from the full moon, and if they did it on Saturday, Sam would then have the entirety of Sunday to rest and think about how it felt. Jasper was also very clear that he didn’t have to make up his mind the next day, he could think for three months if he so wanted. There was no need for explicit commitment or decision making at that exact point. 

After having agreed to their summary, Sam excused himself and put the phone down. He had been drinking the tea while they spoke, and decided to give himself another cup as a reward. When he did, he noticed that his hands were shaking. It hadn’t been a heavy meeting per say, but there had been a lot of information back and forth, and it was somewhat frightening to think back upon. However, it was over now, it felt like they had come to a very good agreement. Still, he was tired, and his hands were shaking. It felt good, he thought it felt good, but it sure had been a lot. 

Sam decided that he needed a break, and some chocolate. He brought forth his hidden stash of support chocolate from within the secrets of his fridge. The secret space was actually just the space behind the ketchup. With his tea and snack, he walked to the sofa and started the TV. He wasn’t too in the mood for anything, so he picked one of his favorite Quentin Tarantino movies and just sat down to watch, he hadn’t watched Reservoir Dogs for ages.

There really wasn't a lot of days left until Saturday. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Perfect. Hold these and come with me.” The flower-pire handed her a handbag and some bigger paper bags filled with clothes. 
> 
> “Wait what the…?” Leah objected, causing Ms Blonde and perfect to sigh. 
> 
> “Yes? Any objections? Are you busy right now?” 
> 
> “Uh, no but, you just handed be a bunch of shit and you expect me to not be confused? What is all of this?” She might be objecting, but she was dutifully holding the bags.

Leah Clearwater was pretty sure that she hated people at this point. 

She didn’t really hate everyone, and she didn’t really want everyone to go away, but she was very, very tired and wanted to be left alone. Mostly, people tended to leave her alone, but they still looked. That was what Leah hated the most, when people looked at her. It wasn’t the looking in itself that was the problem, but what the looks meant. People stared at her like she was something alien and weird. 

At home, she was one of few women who had the ability to become a werewolf, and it made for very strange treatment. In reality, it wasn’t that strange to be a werewolf in her tribe, but there were misconception about it being a masculine trait rather than a feminine one. Her family hadn’t even considered that she might be one, but they had all expected Seth to be. 

That time, back before her transformation, had been very stressful, Sam had started to act weird and their relationship had spiraled out of Leah’s hands, until she found herself without a boyfriend. She was going through a hard time in school with her friends finding her too forceful and independent, and with her family pestering her about her future and the choices she would have to make in life, it had become the perfect storm to mess her up. And that was before the werewolf transformation first took place. 

Leah felt like she could trace a lot of her problems back to Sam, and the way he had dumped her for her younger cousin. Three years worth of relationship apparently meant squat to Sam, who had evidently broken up with her only to run off to Emily Young. Emily had in turn come to her, telling her how uncomfortable she was with having an older, much larger man approach her and being friendly with her. The way Emily spoke about Sam, he had targeted her for being alone and new in the community and wanted to guide her around the tribe and help her feel at ease. She had become increasingly uncomfortable with his behavior, and had told him to go back to Leah and repair their relationship. It seemed that Sam had refused, but agreed to never approach Emily again. 

A week later, Emily returned home, and Leah was left with a burning hatred and disappointment in Sam. Emily was sixteen and Sam was eighteen, as if his behavior wasn’t weird enough, any relationship between the two of them would end up in very doubtful legal territory should they feel too frisky with it. What had he been thinking? Why wasn’t she good enough but a fucking sixteen year old was? She had tried to talk to Sam about it, but he had continuously avoided her, and any talk had ended up with her yelling and him refusing to listen or respond. 

All this anger had simply been bubbling inside of her, until her father had decided that they needed to talk about her future and, as he put it ‘less than feminine behavior.’ It had all exploded within her when he had pointed out that the reason Sam left her was because she wasn’t womanly enough, or something like that. If she wanted a future with a husband and provide for children, she needed to be a better woman, whatever that meant.

His words had triggered her transformation, and when she managed to regain control over her mind, her father had died from a heart attack. She could still remember the shock, shame and fear which washed over her so strongly that she thought she’d throw up. Apparently, her brother had felt similar things, and it had triggered his transformation too. 

Every since then, people had looked at her strangely in the tribe. They either looked at her like a monster who had killed her father, or sympathetically, like they understood her and her pain, which they couldn’t really in the first place. Some looked at her with disapproval for her lack of femininity, which someone had apparently decided was defined as… something which she was not. Her version of being a woman was apparently not the right one, and it made Leah furious to think about. So she tried not to be the right one. She tried very hard not to. 

In the city of Forks, she was looked at with fear. Her strong build, hairstyle and preferred choice of clothes, alongside her tattoo and motorbike clocked her as dangerous. The way people treated her heritage didn’t help. People looked at her like she was about to break the law, and she was under constant surveillance no matter what store she walked into. Even buying a juice in the grocery store turned into ‘watch out for her, she is sure to try and shoplift something.’ 

Part of her just wanted to leave it all behind. Turn into a wolf and head out in the forest to never come back to these civilized assholes. Maybe become another cryptic legend to add to the bunch of other legends which people liked to tell about abnormally large animals. Not that she was going to do that. She might be tired after everything which had happened, but that didn’t mean she could just pretend that she was a beast and live the rest of her life in isolation. What kind of idiot would do something like that? Way too dramatic an asshole, that’s who. 

She bought a juice to drink and stuffed it in her bag. After having gone through the usual procedure of being asked to show what was inside her bag and been allowed to leave, Leah headed towards the pier. She liked to drink her orange juice while watching the water, pretending that the world beside her didn’t exist. She liked spending time alone by the beach close to where her tribe lived, but sometimes, she enjoyed the reminder of the town, and to know that even if things hadn’t changed a lot in Forks, they had still changed. The very pier she liked to visit was proof of that change. 

As was the rest of the town. There always seemed to be something new there, even if it was only very small changes. A new sign there, a different display in that window, new headlines to read outside of the newspaper stands, and fresh new movies to be watched at the cinema. It was refreshing in a completely different way than home was. 

As she walked down the street towards the pier, she glanced inside one of the clothing boutiques, and spotted a semi-familiar face. The beautiful face of that blonde vampire woman with a flower name looked back at her from inside the store, the two of them making awkward eye contact. Leah licked her lips and was about to scurry on, but they sort of knew one another at this point, and just continuing was just straight up rude. She rolled her eyes but waited patiently as flower-pire made her way outside of the boutique. 

“Hey.” Leah spoke, shifting her weight uncomfortably as she didn’t actually have anything to say to the other woman. Was she even a woman? She certainly looked like one, all blonde and soft with gentle curves and long eyelashes. She looked every bit a woman, but inside, she was a walking corpse hungering for blood. Still, everyone who saw them standing next to one another would find the monster more feminine than Leah. Ugh, she did not need this kind of thinking right now. 

“Perfect. Hold these and come with me.” The flower-pire handed her a handbag and some bigger paper bags filled with clothes. 

“Wait what the…?” Leah objected, causing Ms Blonde and perfect to sigh. 

“Yes? Any objections? Are you busy right now?” 

“Uh, no but, you just handed be a bunch of shit and you expect me to not be confused? What is all of this?” She might be objecting, but she was dutifully holding the bags.

“They are called clothes, I understand that they are unfamiliar to you, but most people wear them on their bodies since they lack fur to keep them warm.” The vampire spun a lock of her hair between her fingers, looking at Leah as she spoke. There was something… new in the way the other was looking at her. A new, unfamiliar expression which wasn’t quite degrading and not actually superior, but close to both. It should have made her angry, but it was such an unfamiliar concept to the werewolf that she struggled to wrap a label around her emotions as she was looked at that way. 

“...Very funny.” Finally, she caught herself, and huffed out an answer. She understood that the other woman was referring to her and her pack having been naked in the other woman’s living room. 

“The house was in complete disarray yesterday. It was horrible, fur everywhere!” The vampire continued, and Leah found herself nervously looking around to make sure no one was listening in on them. It was a very dreary day, she could smell the rain in the air. Few people were out walking, as it was getting rather late and most were heading home for dinner. 

They were pretty much alone on main street. “The least you can do is help me carry these bags for me. Dad might have accepted your intrusion, but I am still not satisfied with the arrangement, tug-of-war girl.” 

The blonde woman began to walk, it was all Leah could do to roll her eyes and follow her. She did have a point, Leah did have some vague memories of enjoying tug wars with this one in particular. “Don’t you think it’s a little weird to call me girl? I’m over eighteen.” 

“You’re a girl to me.” The other stopped to look at a boutique window, carefully examining the clothes as to decide if to enter or not. 

“Ugh. Well, I don’t like being called a girl, so don’t do it, okay?” 

The flower-pier glanced at her. “Well then.” Her lips had turned thin, she clearly didn’t like being told what to do. “What do I call you?” Apparently, she still respected the words.

“How about my name?” She almost added ‘dipshit’ but managed to hold back. 

“And your name is…?” 

“Leah. What’s yours?” 

“Rosalie Hale.” 

Oh, so it wasn’t just one flower. Nonetheless, it was a flower name, so she hadn’t been entirely wrong. 

Rosalie decided that the store was good enough for her, and she entered it with Leah following behind. After taking a look around, Rosalie headed towards the men’s clothing section and began going through the T-shirts. 

Leah hesitated. “Why are you buying clothes?” 

“Why do people usually buy clothes?” Rosalie responded as she pulled out a grey T-shirt and inspected the tag, probably looking at the sizing. 

“I was just wondering if there was some special reason or whatever…” Her voice turned dry as she tried to hide the discomfort of the other woman acting like she didn’t know what clothes were. “I’ll just shut my face if I’m that bad company.” 

Rosalie halted, seemed to think, and the sighed. “No, you shouldn’t. I was actually the one being rude.” She smacked her lips, avoiding Leah’s eyes now. “I’m buying clothes because materialistic gain is one of the few pleasures I still have. An unhealthy desire to adhere to standards of beauty and surface level fashion fascination keeps my crippling depression at bay. I buy pretty things and wear them at home or to school, and it does little but temporarily still my aching anxiety. As I read in a magazine ‘when I am sad, I shop.’” It was all spoken in a very matter-of-factly manner. 

Leah stood stunned, staring at the other woman like she had grown three heads. Slowly, she licked her lips. “I’m… damn, sorry. That was honest.” 

“Well…” Rosalie stuffed the shirt back on the rack and continued to go through it. “Also, your pack leader ran off with my boyfriend’s shirt. Now I have a reason to finally buy him a better one. Green Day, ugh… He isn’t a kid anymore.” 

“Doesn’t he go to high school?” 

“That doesn’t mean he has to dress in band shirts. If you ask me, band shirts are so out and were never really in.” 

“Do you have some sort of… underlying hatred towards Green Day or what?” Leah was trying very hard to not think of the fact that Sam was the one who had run off with that shirt. 

“No.” Rosalie pulled out another shirt. “I am just upset that When September Ends still makes me cry. No matter how many times I hear it.” 

“Ah. True crime right there.” 

“What do you think of this one?” She held up the shirt she had pulled out. “Might be a little small for him but…” 

“Ugh. Wanna make him look like an old grandpa?” 

“Isn’t it classy? You know, more timeless elegance.” 

“If there was such a thing as timeless elegance, that ain’t it.” 

“Hm.” Rosalie placed the shirt back and switched racks. “What do you think would be fitting then?” 

“Uh, I dunno, what does he like?” 

“What does he like what?” The vampire looked back at her, frowning. Her tone had been sharp, but Leah got the feeling that she hadn’t intended it to sound so demanding. 

“Well, what style does he like? There is a bunch of different ways to dress men too you know, casual, formal, sporty, greaser… All kinds of styles.” 

Rosalie frowned, thinking it over. “He sort of doesn’t mind. He likes clothes that he can move in, but most stores don’t really carry his size, especially not in pants. He enjoys comfort over any type of style.” 

“If his style is sort of basic, you can always add a simple jacket over it. Black leather makes most band T-shirts look like a choice, so that’s a good place to start if he doesn’t have any.” Leah nodded towards the back of the store, where they had a few jackets on display. “From there, you can add accessories and stuff if you want to make it more than just a jacket. Especially if the shirt is neutral.” 

The vampire eyed her. “So a little like you then?” 

“I’m mostly dressed like this cause I rode my bike here, I usually have looser clothes but that’s kinda dangerous on a motorbike.” Leah felt self conscious all of a sudden. 

“I don’t think it’s a bad look… I have seen some people wear those leather jackets you speak off, let’s hope they have one in his size.” She stepped over to the jackets and began looking through them. 

“I feel a little weirded out… Helping dress your boyfriend and all.” The werewolf spoke up after a while, shifting from leg to leg. “I’m really just mentioning stuff I like, it feels weird that you rely on me so much for opinions on a person I’ve met like… twice.” 

“I did ask for your opinion, and if he doesn’t like it, he can always return it. I’m not just listening blindly to you. This one is an XL? My word, this thing looks to be Edward’s size.” She stuffed the jacket back. “No luck here, I’ll check out the women’s section before we continue to the next store.” She was already heading towards the section she spoke off. 

“So…” Leah followed her. “Are you looking for something special? Like… dress or...uh, shirt or… you know.” Such riveting commentary, this was why she hated shopping with friends. They would ask her about clothes she had no real interest in and then be upset when she couldn’t give any valuable commentary on their choices. 

“Oh not really, I’m mostly looking for fun, see if there is anything I like. I most certainly don’t need any jeans though, that’s for sure.” She was already pulling things out and handing them to Leah. She was somewhat caught off guard by suddenly being the double carrier, but she didn’t mind too much. She was strong enough that it wasn’t a problem. 

They relocated to the changing room, and Rosalie left the werewolf carrier outside as she tried the clothes on. Leah was expecting the other woman to come ask her what she thought of the outfits or pieces, but Rosalie only asked her to get a larger size once. Other than that, the vampire just tried her things on and didn’t ask Leah’s opinion on anything. 

Finally, she had to ask, because she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was doing something wrong and the vampire was passively aggressively punishing her for it. “Don’t you want my opinion on anything?” 

“Hm?” The curtain was pulled aside and the blonde looked out at her with an honest and confused expression on her face. “Ask you opinion? On what? My clothes?” 

“...Yeah, the clothes.” 

Rosalie frowned. “Now why would I do that? You don’t know my body as well as I do, and you don’t know what I am comfortable in. It seems a little strange to me that I’d ask you for something I logically know best.” 

“That… I guess that does make sense…” The werewolf trailed off. 

“Is that why you are standing there? Because you want me to ask you what you think?” The older woman lift her hand and chuckled softly. She wasn’t mocking, but she was clearly amused. 

“W-w-well…” Leah’s cheeks heated as she looked for an answer. “People usually do when they go shopping together so I just thought you’d want my opinion on something.”

“Well then.” Rosalie pulled the curtain aside and stepped out. She was wearing a flowy, light blue dress with lace at the bottom and by the end of the sleeves. “What do you think?” She smiled, putting her hands on her hips. 

“...Uuhh… It’s… blue?” 

“Yes?” 

“...Blue is...good…” 

“Uh-huh?” 

“...And the lace is… lacy…” 

“Do you think I could do a roundhouse kick in this one?” Rosalie lift the dress up slightly, smiling as her ankles became slightly visible. 

Leah swallowed. “Absolutely.” It was literally just ankles, why in the world did they feel like the naughtiest part of the body all of a sudden.

“I don’t think our dress priorities are the same.” Instead of looking angry, Rosalie looked very amused, half hiding her smirk behind her hand. “Have I made my point yet?” 

“I… I guess you have…” She sighed, chewing on her lower lip as to try and get an outlet for her nervousness.

“I was expecting you to go on looking adventures of your own, not stay here with me.” Rosalie leaned forward, and reached out. Leah blinked, and then gasped as she felt the cold fingers of the vampire gently touch her chin. “Aren’t you a loyal doggy?” 

Before Leah could answer, she had disappeared into the dressing room once more, and the werewolf was left with heated cheeks and a sharp answer which was not about to leave her lips anytime soon. 

Rosalie finished her shopping, paid for the items she decided to buy, and the two of them headed outside. It was only then that Leah noticed that nobody had stopped her or eyed her suspiciously when she was in the store. She had just been any other customer, not a suspicious, unwelcome guest in the store. Part of her was incredibly relieved to not have been stopped, and another was insulted that she needed a white woman by her side to be respected as a real customer. 

“I think it might rain… Ah, I hate driving while it rains.” Rosalie sighed by her side. 

“There is a nice café just over there.” Leah pointed. “If you’d like, we could have a cup and wait it out.” She realized what a mistake she had made when Rosalie looked at her with a surprised and somewhat skeptical expression. “Oh, I… f...wait…” Leah stumbled out the beginning of an apology, her cheeks beginning to heat as she tried to save her mistake. 

“I’d like that.” 

“Yeah, I get… wait what?” 

“Do close your mouth, you’re not a goldfish.” Rosalie was hiding her smile behind her hand again, trying not to chuckle. “I’m not planning on drinking anything, but I wouldn’t mind spending time with you while I wait the rain out.” 

“Oh… yeah, that’s good…” She looked ahead, pretending to herself that she wasn’t blushing furiously. 

The two women entered the café and after Leah ordered what she wanted, the two of them headed to the back of the shop. They began chatting, and after a while, they were talking about things which Leah had hesitated to mention even to her best friends. It somehow felt very natural to talk to Rosalie, and it also felt like some manner of rebellion towards her tribe and family to be that familiar with something which they had feared for so long. Unlike most people in her life, the undead blonde seemed to have very good answers and responses to matters which nobody else seemed capable of giving. Leah didn’t fail to notice that Rosalie was open herself in return, and while she wasn’t really speaking about private matters, she didn’t hold back her own version of the story when she spoke. She had many opinions, and she wasn’t afraid to share them, and it felt very refreshing to be with someone like her. 

Leah found herself bringing up a problem which seemed to plague her everyday, and which was one of the reasons she found herself so mad so often. “I really hate clothes shopping, and I sort of feel really weird about clothes in general. Every time I go with my friends, they will pull the weirdest thing out and tell me that it would look great on me, or put me in some dress just to joke about how it’s not my style. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t have any opinions on their clothes, but I’m always told that I’m not… doing it right. I don’t even know what ‘it’ is supposed to mean. I tend to just stay with the same things for the most part, T-shirts, simple pants and comfortable clothes, and everyone will just… tell me I’m not doing it right. Guys sometimes come up to me just to tell me how I should dress instead. Complete strangers that I’ve never seen before, even, but mostly we’ll just have have a conversation and they will suddenly make a comment out of nowhere.” 

Rosalie’s mouth became a thin line, and she shook her head, distaste written all over her face. “When a man tells you what to dress like, or how to alter your appearance in general, he is always trying to mold you into something he personally finds attractive. He doesn’t care about you or how you feel, he’s just trying to make you more satisfactory to himself.” 

Leah hesitated. “Don’t you think that is a little… harsh? Surely, not everyone is like that?” 

“Something which many people fail to realize is that they are always doing things based on their own references. That does not mean that they intend to be mean, but a person only knows what they themselves would like, they do not know what you would like. When they ask you to change something, it is because they have the idea that you changing would be preferable to them personally. While we are talking about clothes, this is true about people’s behavior too. When it comes to men, society has taught them that they have a right to be critical towards women’s appearances, and women tend to have the misguided idea that they shouldn’t do certain things because men wouldn’t like it.”

Leah felt a bitter taste in her mouth. “Yeah… I suppose I have heard that a lot. About ‘stuff guys don’t like.’” 

Rosalie nodded. “People will always have opinions, but their opinions rarely realign with one another. Instead of worrying about what someone else might think, it is a lot more important for the individual to find a way to do things which they are comfortable with. If a certain type of clothing makes you feel comfortable, then no one’s opinion but your own matters. If you find that you like differs from what the majority of people enjoy, then you are under no obligation to like the same thing, or wear the same thing. When you start trying to adhere to everyone, you will soon find that nobody else is pleased, least of all you.” 

“That’s… easy for you to say.” Leah sighed, staring down into her cup. “You’re beautiful, your hair is great, it must be a lot easier when you are that confident in that you do look good. I have problems finding things my size due to being so tall.” 

“Thank you for the compliment.” The vampire took the time to respond before she returned to the topic itself. “Then, if you will indulge me. I have seen fashion change over almost a century. I have seen the ideals of my time forgotten and despised, I have seen the world change from women having no rights whatsoever to a revolution in voting rights, where women can now own land and businesses. Where we are free to attend school and learn. I have seen decades worth of fashion trends come and go, and let me tell you, the ideal is never the same. Some fifty years ago, the bathing suit ads were telling women how to gain weight, as a too skinny woman was something which was considered unattractive. I have seen long hair despised and short hair praised, and I have seen short hair despised and long hair praised. There has not been a single time in my life where I have not looked at the world and being told ‘what I should do to be attractive,’ and it’s always new things, it never stays the same.” 

“My dear.” Rosalie continued, her voice turning soft, and her expression turning into one which spoke more of her age and the things she had seen than Leah thought possible. “People are selfish. They want what they find appealing, and the only way to not get lost is to allow yourself to be selfish too. If you don’t want a dress, that is your choice. If you want short hair, that is also your choice. If you want none of those, then that be damned, do what you want. Change is yours to make, and yours to choose.” 

“But then… people will complain about me being too masculine or something…” Leah was beyond impressed with what she had just heard, and she wanted to believe the other woman, but her mind was recoiling from the thought of ideals being so fragile and false. 

“Do you dislike the way you are now?” 

“I… I guess… sort of.” 

“Do you know why you dislike yourself? If not, I will answer for you, because you have been lead to believe that you aren’t enough in your current state. Say that you do change, say that you learn to dress the way I do, and present yourself to be a person like me, wouldn’t you just be pretending? Would you rather spend the rest of your life fitting into a mold which isn’t you, or would you find someone who likes you for you? Who sees you as you are, and likes you, rather than the pretend you?” 

It was all Leah could do to gape in response. She blinked, and then blinked again. “...Y… you’re right… It is that simple. Hah, it really is that simple!” She felt a smile spread over her face, it felt as if a huge weight had lift from her shoulders, and as if she finally understood something which should have been so very easy from the very beginning. 

Rosalie smiled at her in return. “I’m glad to know that I was able to cheer you up.” It was hard to tell if she was entirely sincere with those words, but she seemed to mean it. 

“Yeah… damn, you really were.” Leah grinned in return. 

The vampire turned a little more serious as she continued. “People will always talk. They will always decide things based upon a perceived idea of who you are and what you are like. It is frighteningly easy to get lost in their ideas of identity, and care too much. It will be hard at times, and people might even be cruel. However, remember this: no matter how many people will find you unappealing, there is always someone who will find you equally appealing. If you pretend to be someone else, you will not find the people who would like you the way you are, and believe me, they do exist.”

She stopped to make sure that Leah was still listening. The werewolf nodded to show that she was, and so the vampire continued. “You will never be absolutely satisfied with what you see in the mirror, but that isn’t the end of the world, everyone else have to live their lives every day no matter their appearance, no matter what they like and dislike about their reflection. Try to be as confident as you can, dress in whatever feels the best for the moment, and know that by the end of the day, beauty is fleeting. It is changing every day based on some rich person with a bunch of influence deciding that the look from here on out is supposed to be this or that. You aren’t ugly based on some old man’s perception of what item needs to be sold next for him to get even richer.” 

“Huh… I never thought of beauty that way…” Leah remembered that she had a piece of cake in front of her, and picked her spoon up to finish it. 

“It’s all a market, dear.” Rosalie shook her head. “The reason women today are expected to shave their armpits is because some man decided that they weren’t selling enough razors and targeted the female market by gaslighting them into thinking that their natural body hair was unsanitary.” 

“That...sucks.” 

“It most certainly does.” 

Leah thought of something, and couldn’t help but ask, more or less changing the topic as she did. “Say, since I don’t really doubt the things you say, why are you shopping for Emmett? I mean, it’s already a pain to do for yourself, why doesn’t he come with you and give you his opinion?” 

The vampire nodded, validating the other’s point with a sign of approval. “As I said, he isn’t too interested in his appearance, but he usually comes with me when I shop. Today, however, he was busy with Edward and Jacob, doing something one another.” She dismissively waved her hand. 

Leah snorted. “When you say it like that, it makes it sound like they are having a threesome or whatever.” She was expecting Rosalie to get a little upset with her, or defend that her boyfriend was only loyal to her, but the vampire just shook her head, smirking as if she knew something which the other woman didn’t. 

“Oh please, you think that any of them could satisfy my Emmett? He’s a total rope bunny at this point, Jacob might be big, but he’s too inexperienced to be able to fulfill Emmett’s needs and desires. And Edward is so vanilla it’s embarrassing. He might be open minded, but he’s of far too passive a nature to be fun to play with.” 

Once more, Leah just gaped at her. “Uhh… that was a lot of… how do you even…?” 

She shrugged. “I’ve lived under the same roof as Edward for… at least fifty years, he is so basic. And your pack member Jacob is having his first relationship with a man. None of those two are going to be satisfactory to someone actually experienced to want a threesome. Emmett would be stuck leading them both, it would be terribly boring for him, I can tell you that.” 

“U-uhm…” Her cheeks heated as she tried very hard to not think of what it meant to be experienced with sex. She wanted to ask more, seeing as Rosalie clearly wasn’t prude about it. As if she had read her mind, the vampire continued. 

“Besides, he wouldn’t have a threesome I wasn’t allowed to watch.” She smirked at Leah, in that type of way only a confident, experienced woman could smirk, because she knew that her words were having an effect on the person she was speaking with. 

Leah couldn’t help her first instinct and spoke before thinking. “Aren’t you siblings?”  
  
Rosalie looked at her with eyes speaking volumes of how unimpressed she was with the comment, it made Leah feel rather stupid, even before the woman answered. “Not for real we’re not. We didn’t grow up together, we’re adults, and it’s just a cover for all of us. Carlisle likes playing family, most of us don’t, and even if we did, it would just be fake. Living under the same roof, even legally labeled as siblings, does not make us family for real, we would have to have been raised as sibling for that.”   
  
In response, Leah shrunk together ever so slightly. It had been a stupid impulse, and Rosalie was right, after all. 

As Leah struggled to escape blushing-to-hell-and-back-ville, the vampire turned towards the closest window. The rain had come and passed as they were speaking, and Rosalie pointed out that she should probably get going back home. Leah had managed to finish her cake and her cup was long since empty, there really was no reason for her to remain any longer either. 

The two of them stood up and left the café together, Leah followed the vampire to her car and assisted her in putting the shopping bags in the trunk. Rosalie thanked her and stepped inside the car. The werewolf had a mad, rebellious idea, and she knocked on the window before the other had the chance to drive off. The blonde woman rolled the window down and looked up at the younger one. 

“Yes?” 

“Can I have your number? Or like, add you on Messenger?” Leah blurted out. 

The vampire looked surprised for a second but then nodded. They exchanged both numbers and Messengers, and as Rosalie drove off, Leah felt her heart throb in her chest. She briefly wondered if this was what Jacob had felt like when he had realized that he got along so very well with something as forbidden as a vampire. She didn’t hold any illusions that she had fallen in love with the other woman, the way Jacob, in her experience, had done pretty much immediately, or that they had some special connection, but she had a lot of fun with Rosalie. Leah had very much enjoyed her company, and she felt like she had been given a lot of useful information which no one else seemed to know or notice. It wasn’t really that Rosalie was the only one who knew these things, but she was the first to make Leah realize them. 

It was hard to not feel grateful towards a person who had made her feel so much better about her… everything, from just talking once. Just hearing it once wasn’t going to automatically solve all her problems, but it would help Leah a lot to remember that beauty was an illusion and had always been, when she argued with herself in her head about not liking the reflection in the mirror.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you planning on telling me why you’ve brought dinner when you can’t even eat?” Sam tried very hard to not let it show on his face that he was a little stressed about the whole surprise dinner thing. 
> 
> “I am, but before that, is the kitchen this way?” Jasper politely asked before moving in the direction which Sam pointed at. 

Sam crammed the vacuum cleaner back into its place at the back of the cleaning closet. He closed the door, only to have the machine quickly break through the obstacle which was the door and hit the ground with a loud thud. He groaned and bent down, once more putting it back. After a stare down with the vacuum cleaner, during which the latter didn’t move, Sam once more closed the door. The trunk beast remained in its den, and the werewolf breathed a sigh of relief. Cleaning was the worst. At least he was done now. 

So… Today was the day. Today, he was going to be fed on by a vampire. All the preparations were done, and their contract was up to date and signed by them both. Jasper had urged Sam to take a picture of his profile on Messenger as well, so that the profile picture could be used as a date marker if need be. 

They had chatted some more about everyday things, meaning that Sam had mostly talked about school and Jasper about what he was studying for the moment. Sam had learnt that the vampire had quit high school and was now working towards an actual degree within psychology studies, with his focus in research based on emotional responses and cognitive patterns. It was all a little too complicated for the werewolf to fully understand, but he did get the impression that he was actually discussing a topic which was very important to Jasper. It was a little hard to shake the feeling that he was speaking with a therapist most of the time, due to the very formal way Jasper spoke and how he accurately analyzed situations from a very logical standpoint.

Sam wandered aimlessly in his house, looking around for something out of order or something he should have put away already but missed the first time around. He was mostly pacing, and while he was, he ended up in the kitchen. “Oh yeah… food.” He spoke to himself, looking around at the newly cleaned dishes. He had completely forgotten that he would need dinner. As he stood in the middle of the kitchen, thinking about what food he could make out of the ingredients he had at home, he heard the doorbell ring. He should have been prepared for it, but he still jumped as the intrusive screech filled his home. 

“Good evening.” As the door was opened Jasper gave him a polite smile before stepping inside, handing Sam a bag of groceries. 

“Hi, uh… what is this?” He accepted the bag, glancing into it while the other man began removing his fancy leather shoes. 

“It’s food for dinner, I only bought some small ingredients and the like.” The vampire removed his jacket and hung it up, looking around in the hall as he did. “Pleasant decor.” He commented, before taking the groceries back. 

“Are you planning on telling me why you’ve brought dinner when you can’t even eat?” Sam tried very hard to not let it show on his face that he was a little stressed about the whole surprise dinner thing. 

“I am, but before that, is the kitchen this way?” Jasper politely asked before moving in the direction which Sam pointed at. 

It wasn’t a very big kitchen, but it was more than enough for one person. This house had belonged to an older woman of the tribe, and upon her passing, Sam had been asked if he wanted to take it. He had said yes, and moved in without really doing anything special with the place. She had a lot of trinkets, and he had gotten rid of those which clearly had no other value than decoration, and kept the more tribal items as they were. In summary, Sam’s house looked like an old grandmother’s: colorful decor on the walls, but plain furniture, and mostly floral tapestry. 

“I want to make certain that you have eaten properly. When you donate blood, you donate something which your body desperately needs to function. It is not as easy as to go into the hospital and give a saliva sample, urine sample, or even semen sample. Giving blood is giving away part of what keeps you alive. You have to eat properly so that your body can make up for the blood I will be receiving from you.” The vampire placed the bag onto the table and began picking items out of it. Sam was hovering behind him, glancing at the items as they appeared. “Blood donation centers won’t even let you give blood if you haven’t eaten for three or two hours. I will not have you faint on me, that would be a horrible failure on my part and I simply can’t allow it.” 

“Hm… I suppose it matters what I’m eating too then?” Sam felt like he was saying something very obvious. “Sort of how some food is better than others to eat when you are working out? You generally don’t want something heavy which will make you feel full, like bread, but something easy to digest and full of energy, like fruit?” 

Jasper smiled at him, nodding. “You’re right. It’s the same with donating blood, nobody would really recommend that you work out on a completely empty stomach. When you donate, you are asked about when you last ate. You will not be allowed to give blood if you haven’t eaten first.” 

“Did you research this?” Sam smiled, leaning his head to the side. 

“I did. Giving blood tends to result in an iron deficiency in the body, so I have brought food items which have high amounts of iron in them.” Jasper showed towards his items. 

“Uh…” Sam studied the food, he could see a package of pasta, spinach, tomatoes, and a small block of cheese. There was also some red looking meat as well as coconut oil. Jasper added a package of beans to the rest of the ingredients, and then a package of strawberries. “What are you making with this? And just… where exactly is the iron in these things?” 

“I’m making an Italian gratin, the iron rich foods are spinach, red meat and beans. The strawberries contain vitamin C, which will help your body absorb iron better.” He pointed at the things as he spoke of them. “Not that it's relevant to you right now, but people on their periods might suffer from iron deficiency during the time they bleed, so this type of food would be really good for them during that time too.”

“Sure. I’m not very picky with food, sounds good to me.” He then slowly nodded, feeling somewhat uncertain what to answer to the latter part of the other’s statements. “I’m not sure why…” 

“It was simply something I learnt that I didn’t know which I thought was interesting to share. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Jasper looked over the ingredients, a small smile spreading over his lips. “I haven’t cooked in a while, I quite enjoy it as a method of relaxation, but since nobody can eat it, it would just be food waste if I cooked at home.” He looked up at the taller werewolf, giving him a surprisingly soft expression, which made Sam look away. “I’m excited to cook for you.” 

“Just… tell me what to do and I’ll help out too.” He mumbled out an answer, while avoiding to look at the smaller man. 

Cooking with Jasper was pleasant. He told Sam what to do, and Sam did it. Jasper handled most of the chopping things up parts, as he didn’t want to risk the werewolf cutting himself. Sam thought he was being silly, but accepted the other’s worries and let him handle the knife while he sat back. 

“Have you thought about what movie you’d like to watch?” Sam asked as he watched the other man cut the tomatoes up with a precision he hadn’t seen used on vegetables before. It seemed more like he was a surgeon than a guy cutting up a tomato. 

“I was thinking that Dances with Wolves sounds interesting. It is set during the time of the confederate army, I am curious to see how accurate it is to the time period.” Jasper poured the chopped up vegetables into the pan next to him. 

“...Were you alive back then?” Was it rude to ask a vampire how old it was? Sam didn’t like the confederate army at the best of days, and it wasn’t a topic he was too happy to speak about. 

Jasper looked up at him, and for a while, they just stared at one another. Sam averted his eyes first, not quite sure what the other was looking for in his eyes. 

“I was a member of the confederate army.” 

It was such a simple, straight forward sentence, and yet Sam’s mind recoiled from it. He felt like he froze up, like there were no words which he could speak to give voice to the hurricane of emotion in his mind. Had Jasper continued speaking, Sam would not have understood his words. The hurricane inside of him was so loud that it left deafening silence in its wake. 

Jasper was waiting for a reaction, but Sam had none to give. His face burnt with an ice cold heat, causing him to feel cold. It wasn’t as easy to simply state that the confederate army had been evil, Sam wasn’t enough of a fool to think that was true, but he equally knew that they were slaveholders and supporters of morals which had gotten many killed for little to no reason. Still, he knew that there had been Native American tribes who had joined the army itself, so it wasn’t as if it had only been one group of people who had held those beliefs as true. 

The main reason as to why he felt the hurricane rage in his chest was because the statement made it impossible to tell what exactly Jasper’s view of people was. Suddenly, he wasn’t sure if he was even a person in the other’s eyes, or if he was something else, something less. Suddenly, he felt unsafe. The uncertainty was choking him, and instead of the usual anger he assumed that he would normally have felt upon being face to face with such a fact as this, he felt too overwhelmed to give an answer. 

“...Sam.” Jasper broke the silence. “I understand your conflicted feelings, but I hope that you would listen to me before you reach a conclusion about my person.” 

Sam didn’t know what else to do but nod. He wasn’t sure what his expression was right then. 

Jasper took a deep breath. “My story might seem roundabout, and it might not give you the answers you seek right away, but I hope that you will give me the chance to speak of this, as I have never discussed it with another person before. Not from the perspective I am about to at least. Grant me patience, and I will repay you with honesty.” 

It was all Sam could do to nod slowly.

“I was born Jasper Whitlock. I am the oldest of the vampires Carlisle Cullen calls his children. I was born in Texas, and by the age of seventeen, I persuaded someone in charge to allow me to join the confederate army. I cannot remember what title that man held, neither can I remember the exact reasons as to why I so desperately wanted to join. Was it for the sake of safety? Was it for food and lodging? Was it because I believed in the ideas of supremacy and freedom of all white men? I don’t know. It is so very far away from me now, and the person I am today that I can’t even recall why I joined in the first place.” 

“So you… don’t believe in their ideals and the like?” Sam finally found his tongue and asked the question which had burnt within him since Jasper brought the topic up. 

“I most certainly do not today, and if I ever did, I was wrong.” Jasper stated with utmost clarity, easing the lump which threatened to choke Sam. “I became a Major, or as they said ‘The youngest Major in all of Texas.’ I was nineteen at the time. Soon after my promotion, I came across three women. I thought them nothing but ordinary, and approached them to ask if they might need my assistance with anything. I lost my life that night, I became a newborn by their hands, and a servant to their will. My creator and mistress was named Maria. She was the most powerful woman I had ever met. Everything I thought of as normal, everything I thought of as true, changed when I spent time with Maria and the other two. I had believed women to be less, I had believed them to be frail and hysterical and weak. There are no words for how wrong I was. And not only in regards to women, but everything I thought I knew turned out to be a weak man’s lies, told to himself as to feel a shred of control over his life.” 

Jasper had continuously been preparing the food, and he took a quick break from his story to push the food into the oven before he returned to the table and his story. “Killing came naturally. I was a soldier after all, but I liked to think I was a soldier with morals. I did not kill women or children, but men fell before my blade and gun. Their lives weren’t pure like that of a woman’s… what a lie. I came to the undeniable understanding that humans are all the same. At that time, I realized that the supremacy which the Confederacy held as real was false. If I ever had truly believed it, which I still don’t know, I very much found out just how wrong I was. It wasn’t just the confederate ideals, they weren’t the only ones attempting to separate people into more or less. It was so frightfully easy to kill, so very simple, and they all died the same. It didn’t matter what skin color they had, what religion they believed in, or what gender they were. Ever equal, they died by my hands, and they died feeling the same things. I suppose I was convinced that I was, that I am, a monster. I had been turned into something which survived by the killing of humans, and resisting seemed more than a little futile at the time. I was told it was futile. I was told that it was who I was supposed to be.” Unbeknownst to Sam, Jasper had accidentally said more than he had intended to in the beginning. 

The vampire sighed, looking down upon his hands. They were clean, but Sam got the feeling that Jasper saw something very different. “Every human was food, they were worth the same in that aspect. Is it not ironic that to learn the value of human life, I had to forget that it ever had value in the first place?” There was a smile on his lips, but it was a tortured one. A crude, false reflection of what a smile was supposed to be. 

“What changed you?” Sam asked, he meant to ask carefully but the words came out harshly and with anger. 

“What indeed… Heh, love perhaps?” Jasper joked, shrugging and smiling, less crudly this time. “I broke my mistress' trust, I let someone run away for the sake of love. Later, he came back and led me to what was supposed to be a place where vampires could co-exist without fighting. I was so tired back then, the endless, insatiable bloodlust which my companions displayed every night made my mouth sour. I ran from Maria and her beliefs, I ran from another army which sought to destroy what they deemed lesser than them. I wanted to believe in a… paradise where the blood would finally stop flowing.” 

The old vampire chuckled without happiness, slowly closing his hand. “It was the same. Different, but the same. Their paradise only consisted of them eating, and the humans dying to ease their thirst. I realized that I was truly stuck in a world where the bloodshed would never stop, where death was constant and ever present. Humans killing humans, vampires killing humans, vampires killing vampires… I fell into a deep depression, everything around me was nothing but a bloody Hell to which I was condemned to.” 

“I was saved by Alice. She appeared before me, showed me a different path and a different way of life. At the time, I was overjoyed to no longer kill fully sentient prey, being a vegetarian vampire saved me from my depression. However, I can not escape from the fact that I need blood to survive, and so, I wondered why I was still depressed by the thought. I began studying psychology, it has now become somewhat of a passion of mine. I feel like I understand myself and the people around me in a way I never did before. Which is why I want you to know about my previous connections to the confederate army before we become involved enough that it will cause you to feel betrayed.” 

Jasper took one more deep breath. “I want to be perfectly clear, you are offering me a different type of salvation. My life has been vastly improved by my role with the Cullens, but I became lost in the idea of safety and passively allowed myself to be ruled by someone else’s needs. Jacob’s intrusion in our lives made me realize a lot of things, I allowed my depression to rule my judgement, and I realized that I was back in a subordinate’s role, only now I was following Carlisle instead of Maria. I was continuously letting other people steer me in different directions, and always came out disappointed that they didn’t know or understand my needs. I have now come to realize that what I need is… Blood. Human blood, taken from a willing participant, given in trust and with as little violence as possible. I want to have connections, I want to have a life outside of the hamster cage which I mistook for safety, and to be able to do that, I have to find a balance with taking and receiving.” 

The expression he showed was complicated and conflicting. There was hope, excitement, longing, fear, desire and loathing. The scents of all the emotions mixed together into desperation. He was clearly honest, and he was clearly emotional. Sam wasn’t sure if he had ever seen so much emotion in one expression. It didn’t last for too long, but the look which Jasper gave him would forever remain with Sam. It was just so awfully… human. 

He didn’t understand everything which Jasper was telling him, and a great deal of the man’s experiences were very difficult to imagine. He thought he sort of understood that they were… measured differently from a normal person with a normal lifetime, though. He didn’t know everything about the time and age, but it was so long ago that Jasper clearly had been given lifetimes to make up for his past. Somehow, Jasper had been turned into a monster, one which was meant to drink human blood, and even then resisted and hurt from it near endlessly. He recalled people saying that Jasper was dangerous and uncontrolled, but how could that be true if he was the one member of the Cullen household who was actively aware of the threat he posed and generally removed himself from any scenario in which he could be a danger. Somehow this monster, this vampire, was fighting to regain his humanity and find balance, and there was really nothing Sam could oppose in that, nothing he wanted to oppose in it. He felt like he wanted to ask more about it all at a later time, but it was all very overwhelming to take in, in the first place.

Sam opened his mouth, then shut it again. He wasn’t sure if he had ever had a discussion quite like this before. He tried again, and then shut his mouth once more, licking his lips in a nervous gesture. “...I think… that I have made up my mind…” He mumbled. “You clearly don’t believe in the Confederacy anymore, and judging by everything else you’ve said… you don’t seem like a bad person to me. I… I will still give you my blood, but I can’t promise that you will get any more from me than this once.” 

It was hard to describe the emotion he saw reflected in Jasper’s eyes. There was happiness, thankfulness, hope and something which looked like pride. He looked honestly relieved, so much so that it made Sam’s cheeks heat. 

“Thank you.” Jasper’s voice was once more transformed into the most beautiful melody, it entered into Sam, erasing whatever shred of lingering doubt which might have existed in his heart. 

He smiled back. “It really makes me feel kind of overwhelmed when you talk about how much this means to you, I kind of get it now so… do you mind not mentioning it as much?” 

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” 

“Yeah, kind of.” 

“Then I will try not to mention it so much, but I didn’t want to underplay how much what you are doing means to me.” The vampire smiled again, and the air relaxed alongside his smile. Was this normal? Was this how a person usually felt when another smiled at them? Surely, this was a little abnormal… 

“Can I ask you, like, something different then?” Sam changed the topic, as flawlessly as a penguin walking down a set of stairs. 

“Whatever you’d like. I will tell you if I don’t want to discuss it currently.” The vampire agreed. He then excused himself to check on the food, and quickly returned to his seat, claiming that it wasn’t nearly done yet. 

“Okay,” Sam licked his lips before he continued. “You were a Major, right? That means that you are kind of experienced with leading people and… stuff?” 

“Yes, I would say I have experience.” Jasper didn’t continue speaking, but waited for the other man to continue, so that Sam might continue why he had inquired about the information in the first place in peace. 

“I just… I kind of get the feeling that… I might not be… a very good pack leader.” The werewolf slowly managed to stumble out a sentence, his eyes flickering around in the room, searching for something to focus on while his fingers carefully wrapped around one another. 

“Would you be able to tell me more about that?” The gentle voice eased his nervousness slightly, but it did little to make him feel less ashamed over the whole thing. 

“I… I always knew that I was going to become pack leader one day. I always told Jake that I would become a leader, even before I knew that, well… werewolves were real. I grew up in a sister tribe to my current one, and after my… my dad left mom, she arranged for us to move here instead. Mom died a few years later. There was this sickness, I can’t remember the name of it. It still felt like she was just fine one day, and on death’s door the next. I was allowed to stay with the Black family, as I had no other real connections, and I grew up alongside Jake.”

The more he talked, the easier it was to formulate himself, even if he wasn’t flawless in his speaking. It was almost as if he had needed to talk about these things for a long time, and hadn’t found anyone to actually vocalize them to. “I… I really wanted to be… better than my dad. And I thought that by being a leader who people wanted to listen to, rather than an asshole who chased people away, I could prove to myself that my blood wasn’t all there was to me.”

Jasper waited until he was certain that he wasn’t interrupting Sam before he spoke. “I think it is very admirable to strive to be a good person, but to do it out of guilt for another person’s crime is wrong. It is not your fault, but it is the fault of those who led you to believe that you had to for the sake of being accepted. While I am speaking about it, I would also like you to think about what exactly ‘a good person’ means. It is a very diffuse concept at best, which most people assume themselves to be able to understand, but which can be very different from person to person. Your definition of a good person seems to mean a leader, that is to say a person who is liked and able to guide others through their problems and the like.” 

“I… I don’t know…” Sam admitted, he felt a little stressed now. He had never really thought about what type of person he wanted to be other than that he wanted to be a good leader. 

“We can come back to this later, but for now, would you be able to identify what it is that you feel like you have failed with? These questions can be rather big and frightening, so I would suggest that we start with discussing what you find to be your problems before we deal with who you want to be.” The vampire steered the conversation back to Sam’s topic. 

“Yeah, uh… s-sure… I… grew older, and I found myself falling in love with this person, uh, her name is Leah, and she is part of my pack now.” Leah. Yeah… he felt like he really needed to talk about her. Yet, he felt his throat choke as he tried to speak about her and the way their relationship had ended. Maybe he wasn’t ready yet. “...We ended badly.” He couldn’t do it, not yet. 

“I became a werewolf, the first one in a long time, and there were suddenly all these expectations on me. I got the responsibility which I had wanted, but I wasn’t even able to handle my own relationship right. Suddenly, I had a whole pack around me. I was the oldest, biggest and the one who had transformed first… I was expected to lead. I asked the other, older werewolves for help, but it turns out that they didn’t really have anything that they could teach me. Nothing… which helped me. Keep an eye on them, make sure that they don’t hurt one another, don’t let them transform in front of humans, don’t let the secret out outside of the tribe. You know, things like that.” Sam stopped to breathe. 

“I don’t know what I should do… either I’m too careful and seem like I’m a prude who opposes changes. Or I’m far too liberal which could potentially get someone killed. I can’t be a friend and an authority figure at the same time. And even then, I have more than once given people I care about permission to break our laws, while being far stricter on people who I’m less trustworthy of, that’s just blatant favoritism!” He ended his sentence, feeling that his voice was beginning to rise with his own emotions. 

“If you will allow me to ask, would you explain in more detail about this favoritism you mentioned? What laws were broken?” The soothing, gentle voice calmed him down by just speaking. 

Sam took a deep breath, he tried to look Jasper in the eye but found himself unable to. “You remember how stern I’ve been about the vampire-werewolf treaty? How much that means to me?” The guilt was practically smellable from him at this point. “When Edward Cullen broke it that night to be with Jake, it had already been broken by us once. We disrespected the treaty first, which is why I couldn’t allow us to hurt him for breaking it as well. I know it wasn’t right to threaten him, but I didn’t know what else to do to prove how serious I was about upholding it. I felt like I betrayed my ancestors by not upholding it, but I also couldn’t punish someone for breaking it, so long after we had already disrespected it.” 

“I…” Even Jasper struggled to find words fitting for the situation. Sam didn’t dare look at him. He could feel tears of shame burn at the edge of his eyes. “How did you break the treaty?” 

“It states,” he had to stop and swallow before he continued speaking. “It states that a werewolf is not allowed to tell any human about the vampires. Billy Black broke the treaty when he told Charlie Swan about the existence of vampires. As you know, Charlie is a policeman, he is the most likely to encounter possible vampire crimes during work, and Billy wanted to make sure that Charlie ran if he ever encountered anything remotely like vampires. It was the one way to keep him safe from your kind.” Sam took a deep breath. “Charlie already knew about werewolves, so believing in vampires wasn’t that hard for him. He knows what your family is.” 

Jasper sat silent, so Sam continued. “Billy was called to answer for his actions, and as a young pack leader, I was still called to speak at the meeting to determine what should be done. At the time, I had few words to say, but I spoke of Billy’s credibility and reliability, and that of Charlie Swan. At the end of the meeting, it was determined by vote that his crime was to be handled without the influence of vampires. I was too young to know exactly what the punishment was, but I know that he was dealt one.”

The vampire sat silent for yet a little longer, but when he finally spoke up, he sounded collected. “Speaking from reason alone, the first instant the treaty was broken, it had no effect on either community, and helped possibly save a man’s life. It only had an effect later in that Charlie Swan was opposed to his daughter’s and Edward’s relationship, and it turned out that he had every right to be. Mr. Swan knowing about us did not cause us any harm, but only did good. In the second instance, the breakage of the treaty allowed both our communities to integrate, and it was the first step to begin mending the rift between the two groups. If you had acted upon the treaty at that time, there is no telling how big the casualties could have become. I cannot logically find Billy’s and Edward’s actions to be of equal weight, and for you to let him get away with it was… grand, to be perfectly honest. Your actions thus far, although your sternness about the continued upholding of the treaty has hurt me personally, are commendable. They show great leadership skill, and a good understanding of consequences caused by actions. You have acted in a way which did not allow the situation to escalate.” 

Sam could do nothing but blush at his words. He was about to stumble out an answer, but Jasper signaled that he was not done speaking yet by leaning forward, so Sam shut his mouth and continued to listen. 

“However, as a person who is under constant threat by the treaty, it is… hard to hear that it was broken and not upheld as it should have. I know for certain that the werewolves would not have looked kindly upon it had it been one of us who broke it first.” The old soldier continued. “The treaty places us in a frightening disadvantage, and as I have previously discussed, I am the biggest risk to the people I love. Still, this has all ended favorably, and I have no logical reason to feel the way I do, but I still feel wronged by the events.” 

The pack leader thought for a while, he really didn’t know what to say at that point, but he felt like he needed to say something. Some manner of words or encouragement which might help the other feel better. “...That’s… why I want to take responsibility and… help you. I know that the treaty is favorable to werewolves, and I think that is fair, based on it being you who entered our grounds and asked permission to stay. Vampires are also a bigger danger to the communities they try to integrate with, due to them literally needing human blood to survive while werewolves do not. However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t figure out ways to make it work today, ways we couldn’t back then. My way of… taking responsibility, of trying to… make a change, is to give you some of my blood. If it works, and if more people want to donate, perhaps the treaty can be renewed to favor both groups, instead of just protecting one group from the other. I… I am scared, but… I think this is the thing I should, no, want to do, as a leader.”

Jasper smiled now, he was about to say something, but the loud, piercing noise of the alarm clock suddenly filled the room, signalling that the food was done. Both of them jumped, and the vampire headed to the over to pick the oven pan out. He completely forgot gloves, and instead simply picked it out with his bare hands. The scent of food filled the air, and Sam was suddenly very aware of just how hungry he had become from their talk. 

“While that cools,” the vampire sat back down, looking over at Sam yet again. “I have a few things I’d like to say on the topic of leadership. There is no absolute way of how a leader should act, there are no essential rules which can always be followed for the automatic, best result possible. If there was, there would be no wars, and no need for politicians. Most ideas of bad leadership come from the damage caused by that leadership, and they might not be effects which anyone counted on happening. There is no way to tell for sure what the right choice is. Both integrating and not integrating could be the correct option, but there is no telling what the future might hold. It is a heavy burden to bear, because there is little safety for you to be certain of. The one thing a leader always can, and should do, is seek to inform themselves of the situation. Both by listening to people around them, and those outside of the community, as well as seek assistance from history to evaluate similar situations. I personally believe that a single person cannot actually lead in solidarity, but that communication is an integral part of that role. The leader is leading a community of people after all, not a flock of sheep, despite what history might conveniently forget to mention. A community can only take so much of being ignored before they have to result in drastic measures.” 

“...So what I should take away is that leadership is hard, but that by doing it alone, I run a higher risk of making the wrong choice?” Sam asked for clarification. 

“Yes. Leadership is a relationship, you have a relationship with the people who you are trying to lead. They will often want different things, and as long as you are not in a situation of war, where it might not be possible to hear everyone out properly, it is your duty as a leader to listen. It is very hard to please everyone, in most cases, I would go as far as to say that it is impossible to please everyone. That doesn’t always mean that what is the best for the majority is what is best for the community, but it can also mean the opposite. Leadership should be attentive, flexible yet firm, but most of all, ever evolving. When leadership becomes stagnant, it tends to fail the people.” 

“I’m not saying that you aren’t right.” The werewolf spoke after some slight hesitation. “But I feel like failing people is my biggest, well, failure. The way I have acted in the past has led to… complicated, messy conclusions. If you can even call them conclusions. If leadership is about the people, then I have most definitely failed.” Sam avoided the other’s eyes once more, feeling the cold stabs of regret bite into his chest, eating away at his core. 

“I would have to know more about the people you are talking about, and the actions you aren’t telling me of.” Jasper gently urged him to remind him. “I can’t help you without actually knowing what you are talking about. However… I do see that this is hard for you, and I want to remind you that not all problems can be solved within a day. These things do take time, especially when there is more than one person involved with the whole situation.” He slowly moved his hand forward and placed it on top of Sam’s. He was cold enough to cause the werewolf to flinch slightly, but not because he shied away from the touch. 

“However, before that.” Jasper waited to make sure that he was allowed to keep his hand on top of Sam’s. “You really need some food, and you need to think of something else for a little bit. You have done very well so far, and I am very thankful to have been given the opportunity to help you with what you have mentioned. However, that doesn’t mean that you should push yourself to talk about everything today, at this exact second. You are allowed to take breaks and not think about it constantly, you are allowed to have fun, and when you have recovered enough energy, we can speak more of this.” 

“Wouldn’t it be better to-” 

Sam didn’t even manage to finish speaking before the other man squeezed his hand to a halt. It wasn’t firm, it wasn’t harsh, but it was a reminder than Jasper was there, and that the vampire was much more well versed in this topic than Sam. 

“No. No it wouldn’t. We should get food, and go watch that movie together. This is enough for today, you deserve peace in mind.” 

Sam felt his shoulders fall slightly, and some tension that he didn’t even know was building up within him seemed to have eased somewhat. He nodded, accepting that enough was enough, and surrendered to the idea of food and a good movie. When Sam got to his feet so that he could put some food on his plate, he was surprised by the realization that his legs were trembling, and that his wrists felt weak. They had just been talking, and his body was reacting as if it had experienced a traumatic event. It was a little embarrassing, but Jasper noticed his evident confusion, and informed him that these things were to be expected after complicated, long discussions about identity and stressful events. 

Together, they walked into the living room, where Sam tried to start things up, but was ordered to sit down and let the vampire take over. Soon enough, the movie was starting in front of them, and Jasper came to sit down by his side. The werewolf glanced at his guest, and then picked up his fork to eat. He wasn’t too sure about the whole eating in front of a vampire, it felt… weird somehow. Maybe even disrespectful. Still, he ate, and the food tasted wonderfully on his tongue. 

With a somewhat surprised look on his face, he turned to Jasper. “This… is good.” 

The vampire smiled at him in return. “I’m happy to hear that.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...Uhm…” That was not what he had planned on saying. “Aren’t you being a little… much right now?” 
> 
> Jasper looked disappointed, and he stepped back. “I am… I’m sorry.” Sheepishly, he avoided Sam’s eyes for the first time. “I suppose my body has finally realized that I am going to get fed and I…” He stopped to swallow. “I feel like I’m starving…” The words were more whined than spoken. 
> 
> “You’re… kind of acting like a puppy.” Sam couldn’t help but smile. Jasper was crowding him, and acting on impulses with lack of control in a manner which Sam most easily related to that of a puppy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work will be continued on and have more chapters, but we are a bit busy right of the moment in working on the third installment of our Son of a Werewolf series. Thank you for your kind comments and encouragement on this work. ♡♡♡

Sam had never watched Dances with Wolves to the end before. It was a very impressive movie, which was clearly a passion project. There was passion in everything from the choice of actors to the clothes they wore, to the way life was back then. It took the time to show the confederate army as less attractive, more dirty, but not as incapable or stupid. Jasper took the time to analyze those parts of the movie while Sam mostly ate his food and listened. 

In general, it was a good movie. Sam was happy to see a native tribe, played by Native Americans. He didn’t really feel any intense or personal connection to them, but he was happy to see people like himself on the TV screen. Still, through most of the movie, he just sat and watched, sometimes listening as Jasper explained something from a historical perspective. 

It was nice. Sam could feel himself relax. The food was good, the company wasn’t bad and the strawberries were straight up delicious. It all made for a very pleasant evening. 

With the movie being three hours long, it was late when they finished watching it. Sam gathered the dishes and brought them into the kitchen. He was going to deal with them later. He turned to look for some plastic wrap which he was about to put over the oven pan so that it could just be pushed inside the fridge. As he turned, he found himself face to face with Jasper. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but he had assumed that the other would just stay in the living room and wait for him. 

“Da-um… H-hi… Uh, did you need something?” Sam stumbled out, suddenly very aware about why Jasper had come to his home in the first place. He could almost feel the blood pump through his veins, and for some reason, it made his mouth salivate. He swallowed, returning to look for the plastic wrap. It wasn’t like Jasper was just about to bite him there and then. 

“I simply came along, I didn’t think that was worthy of questioning.” The vampire’s eyes followed him as he moved around the kitchen. There was a sudden tension in the air, their emotions mixed together in a surprisingly sweet scent, adding all the more to the tension. They both knew that this was the point where Sam would let him drink, but neither was quite ready to bring it up just like that. 

“Ah. Just let me put this away and then I’ll...be ready.” Sam pulled the plastic out and began wrapping it over the gratin. 

“Take your time.” The vampire’s voice hinted on something other than calm this time, it was as if his hunger and desires were slipping into his voice. To Sam, this added to the growing sense of anticipation which made him so painfully aware of his own blood and veins. 

He finished wrapping the food up and placed it inside the fridge. When he closed the door and turned, Jasper was right next to him. Sam automatically took a step back and walked into a wall. He suddenly found himself cornered, with Jasper’s golden eyes staring at him with unblinking intensity. The pack leader was not so mentally weak as to find himself threatened by the other’s intensity, but he became very much aware that he was facing a predator whose specialty of hunting was humans. Beings like him. 

“...Uhm…” That was not what he had planned on saying. “Aren’t you being a little… much right now?” 

Jasper looked disappointed, and he stepped back. “I am… I’m sorry.” Sheepishly, he avoided Sam’s eyes for the first time. “I suppose my body has finally realized that I am going to get fed and I…” He stopped to swallow. “I feel like I’m starving…” The words were more whined than spoken. 

“You’re… kind of acting like a puppy.” Sam couldn’t help but smile. Jasper was crowding him, and acting on impulses with lack of control in a manner which Sam most easily related to that of a puppy. 

He took a step forward and reached out to ruffle the other’s hair. He suddenly felt like the one in charge, and it made him feel powerful. He knew how to handle puppies, even if he was still figuring out how to deal with people. Most people would spend their lives trying to figure that out. Suddenly, this whole thing felt a lot less frightening than before. 

“I am not.” Jasper tried to deny it, as Sam’s hand found its way to his cheek. He whimpered at the hot touch, hungrily pressing against it with his nose. Sam could see his lips twitch, so he grabbed the other’s chin instead. 

“No.” Sam’s words were commanding, strong, and signaled an authority which he had yet to show in any other event. 

The vampire whimpered again, but yielded to the authority. Now that made Sam feel far more powerful than he had ever felt before. The hungry beast was listening to him. Thinking of the starved vampire as a puppy seemed to be the trick, he no longer felt afraid or threatened. 

Jasper’s lower lip quivered. “Where… where do we…?” It was clear what he was asking about, and Sam stopped to think. He hadn’t actually thought about it, but he wasn’t too excited about the idea of this being done in the bed. He did not want blood on his sheets, and he didn’t want hair in it if he had to transform and subdue the other beast. 

“Uh… How about the bathroom, in the shower? Like that, I can start the water before I have to transform. Uh, I mean, if you are unable to stop, maybe some cold water will make your mind return, in case you find it really hard to stop?” Sam pulled his hand back from Jasper’s chin, and the other nodded eagerly. 

“That sounds g-good…” It almost looked like the other was about to topple over, so Sam grabbed his hand and led the vampire into the bathroom with him. 

The bathroom was a white one, with the exception of a colorful floral shower curtain. It wasn’t very big, and if Sam actually transformed in it, there would be no way for the smaller beast to overpower or topple him over in this small space. 

The werewolf bit his lower lip, looking back at the softly panting vampire, and then made the decision to take off his shirt. He wasn’t especially shy, so being without his shirt wasn’t that big of a deal, only when he was completely naked around a stranger he didn’t remember having undressed in front of and didn't want to undress in front of. He then pulled the vampire into the shower with him. He kept one hand on Jasper’s shoulder as he aligned the shower head and let his fingers rest around the shower handle. When he was ready, he turned back to the practically trembling beast, who was looking at him like a desperate puppy. It was surprisingly endearing, and no longer frightening. He knew that he could stop the other, in one way or another. 

“Alright.” Sam took a deep breath. “No neck or shoulder kisses, I will let you drink from my arm, and you stop when I say so. Or, at least try to stop, else I will stop you.” 

“Yes.” Jasper panted, and Sam suddenly became aware of something else within himself. A desire to be intimate with this person. He wasn’t sure if it was because the other looked so hopelessly needy and he enjoyed the feeling of being needed, or if it was some misguided desire to dominate a weaker supernatural beast. Whatever the reason, Sam felt embarrassed to suddenly feel sexual attraction at this point. 

Slowly, the werewolf raised his arm, turning it so that Jasper could bite into his lower arm. The vampire moved forward, and with surprisingly gentle hands, he captured Sam’s arm in a grip. The shower cabin wasn’t that big, Sam’s back was pressing against the cold tiles, but he could still feel the other man’s body brush against his as Jasper leaned in. The werewolf’s crotch came to throb as the vampire’s lips parted and Jasper licked his arm. His tongue felt completely normal against Sam’s skin, and for half a second, Sam forgot about the pain which was soon to come. 

The fangs sank into him, breaking through the skin so smoothly and effectively that Sam felt a moment of complete disbelief over how fragile his skin was. It was so surprising that it took him a moment to even realize that he had been bitten. Surprisingly enough, he wasn’t as aware of the blood leaving him as he was of Jasper’s lips against his arm. Sam suddenly remembered to breathe, and so he leaned his head back against the cold wall, letting out weak breaths as his blood was taken from him. 

The pain wasn’t that bad, as a werewolf, Sam was used to everything hurting at once. He was used to a burning pain which clawed into his very core. The sharp, almost harmless pain which caused his arm to bleed felt almost welcoming. It was centered on one single spot, sending manageable signals to his brain. Jasper’s hair tickled his arm, his fingers were digging into his skin without hurting him, and the movement of his lips made it almost feel pleasurable. No, it did feel pleasurable, and it wasn’t nearly as frightening as it should have been. 

“H-hey Jas… I think that’s… I think that’s enough…” Sam managed to pant out. He was more than surprised to find that it was that hard to speak normally, and to find that some part of him was rather bothered that it had to end. Sam raised his free hand and gently yanked Jasper’s hair. For a second, it seemed that the other wasn’t about to let go, but he did, his lips leaving Sam’s skin with a wet noise. 

Sam felt his head spin with all kinds of thoughts, and when he had been released, he allowed himself to sink down on the floor, his naked back still pressing against the wall. His breathing had sped up, but it wasn’t uncontrollable, simply a little harsh. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep for a bit, but he knew that it would pass if he just allowed himself a little bit of rest. 

Jasper sank to his knees in front of him, and Sam jumped slightly at the cold touch of his hand against his chest. “Sam?” A worried voice whispered his name. “Did I hur- are you okay?” 

He opened his eyes, and glanced towards the other man. Jasper looked worried, not a passively or politely worried, but straight up frightened. His eyes were big and slightly wet, but his face seemed rosy and alive. His lips seemed fuller, and his eyes had turned into a beautiful shade of ruby red. He looked more alive than Sam had ever seen him, and while he looked at the other, he also realized something else. When the color had returned to his face, he could suddenly see an array of white, thin scars which hadn’t been visible before. It felt like he was looking at a completely different face. Sam briefly wondered if this was how Jasper had looked when he was alive. 

“I’m fine. Just a little out of it.” Sam admitted, reassuring the other with a smile. He was so relieved that the other had stopped, that it hadn’t hurt, and that it hadn’t really been awkward. It had felt really good. Actually good, and however he looked at it for the moment, he couldn’t feel anything but relief. He raised his hand and slowly placed it upon the other’s cheek, and was surprised to learn that the other man actually felt warm against the palm of his hand. “Huh… you almost feel alive. How are you holding up?” 

Something broke within Jasper. Either it was the wall of depression which kept him from other people, the facade he had built up as to not hurt himself, or something deep within him which told him he was nothing but a monster. Either way, his expression turned into another complex one, mixing emotions to the point of the expression being far too much to describe with ease. The expression startled Sam, but not as much as it did when the other man began to cry. 

Big, round tears rolled from his eyes. They seemed calm at first, but as the floodgate opened, the tears just kept on streaming. The werewolf pulled his hand back, but the other man moved forward, more or less crashing into his naked chest, hiding against it. 

“Omph,” Sam said. 

“Sorry,” hiccuped the vampire. 

After a few seconds of awkwardness, Sam reached around the smaller man and carefully hugged him closer to his chest. This caused Jasper to cry louder, and Sam automatically began petting his head to try and calm him down. Sam was not good with these things, but his mind was far too disoriented for him to be able to be embarrassed or stressed about it right now. 

Jasper cried for a while, it really, really seemed like something he needed. Sam got the feeling that he had been holding back all of this hurt and anxiety for a long time. He wasn’t sure for how long they remained like that, but by the time Jasper pulled back, Sam’s arse had long since lost all feeling in it. He shifted, glancing down at his arm and quickly placed a hand over the wound so as to not tempt the vampire. 

“Sor-...I apologize.” Jasper somehow managed to find his voice, although his voice seemed but an echo of what it usually was. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. 

“I take it, I… taste good?” Sam tried to make it sound relaxed. 

Jasper responded by huffing and pushing his knee slightly. 

“Ow. My ass is asleep, don’t push me around.” The werewolf lightly jabbed the other back with his toes. 

“Ow.” Jasper responded in return. “You need to cut your toenails.” 

“Sorry.” The pack leader shrugged. “So… what happened?” 

“I…” Jasper looked like he was about to cry again. “I haven’t had human blood for… for over thirty years. It… I feel like I have been asleep, walking the Earth like a corpse, and now I suddenly feel everything again. I… I can feel it, in my throat, in my head, in my mind… I feel like my heart is beating again, I feel like the world has color again, I feel… I feel… Alive.” He breathed the last word like it was the most forbidden of pleasures, the most sinful of desires. 

“And you…” He reached forward, hesitantly placing his hands on Sam’s cheeks and staring into his eyes. Sam felt his cheeks heating as he had the emotional beast stare him down. “You weren’t hurting, you weren’t afraid, you… you did not experience the choking, terrifying grip of death around your throat.” 

Somehow, the way the other said that made it seem like he should have. It also made it seem like Jasper had far too much experience with such an abstract subject. It was a little weird to be told that he should have experienced existential dread upon being bitten in the arm. “Uh… no? Should I have?” 

Jasper laughed without happiness, keeping his hands on his cheeks in an almost loving manner. “I’m a monster. You know this better than anyone. I’m a danger to my family and whatever community I’m in. You know how much I’ve killed, if you only knew all the scars I have from all the vampires I’ve killed. Unlike everyone else in my family, I have been honed to kill.” 

Sam avoided the other’s eyes, as he carefully reached up to pull Jasper’s hands from his cheeks, as the grip had begun to hurt slightly. He was not about to have his head crushed because a vampire was having an existential crisis. What had started so gently had so very quickly turned into too much, but Sam wasn’t about to just let himself hurt when there were far better options. 

“I really don’t… I don’t think you are giving yourself enough credit here.” Sam let go of the other’s arms and covered his wound with his hand once more. “I know that you are dangerous, and I know that you are far more dangerous than the others, but…” He searched for fitting words. “You don’t actually seem to be that dangerous.”

Jasper opened his mouth but this time, Sam silenced him. 

“I know, you are a former soldier, you have killed before, but you have continuously abandoned that life. You are clearly doing all you can to escape killing, and you seemingly hold no ill will or desire to harm. Didn’t you say something about what kind of person I want to be? Don’t you really badly want to be somebody who doesn’t hurt others? You might have been a soldier, but being a soldier isn’t a crime. Wars are really fucked up like that, but the people you killed in war are not, well… They tried to kill you too. I think it’s a very good thing that you know that killing is wrong, and that taking without consent is wrong, but… Maybe you should, I don’t know, try and focus on what is important now?” 

“I’m not much better now.” Jasper sighed, finally realizing that he had been crying and that his face was covered in tears. He began to dry them off with the back of his hands. “Despite trying to live without killing and hurting humans, I still attacked that girl as soon as I smelled blood. I’m still… a beast, and a murderer.” He sat back in the shower cabin, stating the words as matter of fact, like a sinner who was too tired to deny his sin any longer. 

“Well, you didn’t.” Sam intervened. “Whatever you tried to do, you had people around you who were able to stop you. Besides, every time I’ve seen you around you’ve been the only one to actively take distance and try to keep yourself from harming anyone. Jacob has said the same thing repeatedly, you’re clearly the one by far the most careful, unlike the acts of other members in your household. It should speak a lot that you aren’t taking being a vampire for granted, and actively seeks to keep people safe, especially when it has been this hard for you. It’s not that everything you’ve done is excusable, in fact, very few things can be excused when it comes to killing, right? But what matters is that you keep on trying to be more than a killer. If you are this upset and emotional about me just giving you blood, don’t you think that it means that you’ve suffered enough? When a soldier is suffering from PTSD, isn’t it the responsibility of society to help them? Blaming them won’t cause anything good in the end, and if they do seek help, then I think that they deserve to at least be helped.” 

Jasper slowly smiled. “You almost talk as if I’m human.”

Sam opened his mouth and then closed it again, moving to bite his lower lip and look to the side. He grunted and got to his feet, gently pushing Jasper’s leg aside as he went to get a plaster for his wounds. “What I’m saying is, I am not underestimating you. I know that you are dangerous, and according to everyone else, you are the most dangerous out of them. However… You can still be, like, helped. Instead of pushing you to the breaking point, I would much rather help you than seek to destroy you.” He closed the bathroom cabinet and tactlessly applied the band aids to his arm. “I guess I’d rather… I don’t think I like seeing people hurt when there are other alternatives.” 

Jasper got to his feet and Sam was surprised when the smaller man hugged him from behind, hiding against his back. “So I’m… a person now?” 

Sam shrugged. “You do seem pretty normal to me, excluding the beast parts. And the red eyes.” 

“They are red?” Jasper broke from the hug to look in the mirror, only to completely stop when he saw his reflection. “...O-oh…” He let out a shaky breath upon realizing just how alive he looked. He blinked and touched his cheeks, clearly in disbelief. 

“...So vampires have reflections.” Sam concluded as he headed out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen. It seemed that Jasper needed a moment to gather himself before he left the bathroom. Sam could move fine but he was definitely having some more of that food and water before he tried to do anything else. He trusted that the vampire would come sooner or later. 

It didn’t take too long for Jasper to come join him in the kitchen, but Sam had already made himself a big cup of tea. It wasn’t quite ready to drink yet, but it was getting there. Jasper’s expression was hard to read, he didn’t look sad or upset anymore, but he didn’t quite jump with joy. If anything, he seemed normal, but a little happier. Like a feline, he slid into the seat opposite of Sam, who automatically asked if he wanted some tea. 

Jasper chuckled softly as the werewolf blushed. “I would like to try some, actually.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I kno- what?” He halted himself from what he was saying, blinking at the vampire as he smiled at him. “You… want some tea?” 

“Yes.” Jasper reached forward. 

“It’s...hot!” Sam reached out to stop the other before his mind caught up with his body. 

“I will be fine, even if it is warm.” The vampire looked at him with still red eyes and a soft expression on his face. “Besides, tea is just leaf water. Water with taste if anything.” 

“There is honey in it.” Sam retorted, feeling somewhat insulted over the dismissal of tea. 

“Then it’s even more perfect for my experiment.” Jasper’s hand moved under Sam’s, but he responded by adding more pressure on it, causing the hand to still. 

“Okay man, I think I need to know exactly what you are doing before I allow this.” Sam shook his head. “What experiment are you talking about?” 

Jasper looked over at the tea, then glanced at the food, before he focused on the werewolf’s face once more. “I have been wanting to know if I can eat and drink normal food and beverages after ingesting human blood.” Jasper began, looking rather serious about the topic. “After all, my organs did not disappear from within me when I became a vampire. I still have all that is required to function, but those organs seem to have effectively shut down so as to not waste precious energy within me. Now that I have had blood, I want to know if the organs return to function as normally, and if there is any energy I can gain from actually ingesting normal food.” 

“I don’t know if this is-” Sam began but he was swiftly interrupted. 

“It is my body and my choice. Please, you are being ridiculous.” Jasper sounded a little annoyed at this point, and Sam pulled his hand back. 

“Fine, just… don’t throw up blood everywhere or something.” He crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head. 

“I won’t.” The vampire reassured him. “Thank you for worrying about me though.” He smiled and grabbed the cup, bringing it up to his lips. Sam held his breath as he drank. Slowly, a smile spread over the vampire’s face. “This is tasty. Somewhat sweeter than I am used to, but good.” 

“I didn’t make the tea but you’re welcome…?” 

“Didn’t you say you added the honey on your own?” 

“Well, I didn’t say that. I guess I did prepare the tea but… Oh, nevermind, are you feeling alright?” Sam gave up and simply asked what was on his mind. 

“I do. The honey doesn’t seem to be a problem.” The other more or less chirped, and Sam was overcome with a feeling of confusion. Was tea so important to a person that it made them act like Jasper was now? Was food really such a delight that it could cause someone this much happiness? Maybe he had taken a lot of things for granted, maybe he had ignored obvious things because they were really that impossible to imagine as something other than common? 

Sam licked his lips, staring at the other’s face. 

“Are you looking at the scars?” Jasper didn’t sound self conscious, but he sounded somewhat uncertain. “I’m lucky enough that they are almost invisible on my face with my usual complexion. The children in school don’t tend to come close enough to notice them. I guess I don’t really think about them.” 

“I… wasn’t really thinking about it. I noticed them, sure, but… I mean, they are just scars. It feels a little weird to ask since I do know that you got them from war. What kind of war doesn’t really matter so..” He shrugged and reclaimed his cup. “I wasn’t planning on asking, it seemed like a one way conversation topic.” 

“I suppose you are right.” Jasper leaned forward and picked up a strawberry. As if he had forgotten how to eat one, he put the entire thing in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed before Sam could tell him that he wasn’t supposed to eat the green part. “It tastes more sour than I remember, but… It’s lovely.” The vampire had that happy look on his face again, like a prisoner of war who finally tasted something other than whatever excuse he had been given as food. 

“I- I’m glad you like it, but I think that’s enough.” Sam pulled the strawberries away. “At least see how that affects you before you eat more. We can buy new strawberries when you come over for your next dose of werewolf.” 

Jasper chuckled as he watched his berries leave his reach. “I paid for them.” 

“I paid in return with my blood.” Sam pushed the berries to the side, shaking his head. 

“My… next dose of werewolf?” Jasper raised an amused eyebrow. “Does that mean you plan on giving me more blood?” 

“I guess it does.” Sam tried to drink some tea but after almost burning his lips, he concluded that a vampire did not make a suitable guide for hotness of tea. He put the cup back down. 

Another one of those complicated emotional expressions passed over Jasper’s face. He suddenly looked older, and like he had been hurt over and over again to the point of not knowing how to feel anything else. “I was never expecting this to happen. I only agreed to you giving me blood as to not have the discussion at the time. I expected it to be entirely out of guilt for when I lost myself to emotions the way I did, being quite harsh with you. I was expecting you to take the offer back once you had properly thought about it. To me, this seemed beyond impossible.” His voice trailed off. “I cannot believe that… You actually allowed me your blood.” 

“You… didn’t believe that I actually meant it when I said it?” Sam wasn’t straight up hurt by his words, but he was confused. Jasper had seemed so very serious from the beginning that it seemed so impossible that he had simply used their agreement as an excuse to get Sam to stop pestering him. 

“No.” The answer was direct and honest. “I thought you to be the type to agree to things out of pressure, imagined or existing, and then back out once the other individual wasn’t right there anymore. I suppose I expected you to be more of someone who ran rather than committed to your words.” 

Sam laughed bitterly. “I guess you aren’t wrong. I feel much more like a coward than a fighter, especially considering how I have handled things in the past.” He tried his best to not think of Leah. 

“I was wrong.” Jasper looked him in the eyes as he responded. “You have clearly ran from things in the past, but so did Edward, and he is not a coward. Some things just cannot be dealt with at that time, and must be postponed to another. Even if you have made mistakes, you are not the man I thought you were.” It was clear that Jasper was complimenting him, and it made Sam’s cheeks burn again. 

“I think… I think I need a bit more time to prove that I’m really all that… or something.” He tried to drink his tea again and found that it was of adequate warmth now. That is to say, scalding but not third degree burns levels of hot. 

“Yes, I understand. Just know that I never expected you to go through with this, or that you would agree to give me more of your blood in the future.” The vampire stared at the tea with desire in his eyes, but Sam was not about to fall for any vampire puppy eyes. The vampire had experimented with foods enough for one day.

“I will.” He pulled the cup out of reach for the other. “And we will update that contract before I give you any more, but… I will. For however much a verbal promise is worth, I promise to give you more of my blood.”

“Was it that pleasurable to you?” Jasper joked, as if to fill what would otherwise have been an uncomfortable silence. 

Instead of answering with words, Sam did something stupid. Something he should have asked for permission to do first, but neglected to. He leaned forward and connected their lips in a kiss. Unlike he had expected, he could feel the warmth of the other’s lips against his, alongside the distant taste of his own blood on them. The kiss was returned right away, and what had started as soft quickly became something more hungry, something more feral. If there hadn’t been a table between them, they might have clashed together into something sexual there and then. The kiss only ended when Sam burnt himself on his teacup and was brought out of the mindset of the sexual beast he had felt like moments ago. 

“Ow…” Sam grumbled as he sat back in his own seat, glaring at the teacup beside him. 

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. “I take it you aren’t bothered by your own taste?” 

“Don’t make it sound so sexual…” Sam whined.

“My bad.” The vampire chuckled again and Sam felt the impulse to devour him. He held back.

“I take it I have my own comfort werewolf then,” Jasper continued. It wasn’t a question, but a statement. 

“What the heck is a comfort werewolf?” Sam tried very hard to not groan, and failed miserably. 

“Well, I suppose it is a werewolf who is good at comforting, going by the meaning of the separate words.” The other responded, the very picture of innocence. Sam kicked him, knowing fully well that he wasn’t even close to strong enough to even bruise the warrior. 

“I somehow hate that you have a nickname like that for my pack.” He sighed. 

“Clearly the comfort werewolf desire is strong enough to invade a home during a full moon.” The picture of innocence grinned at him, and Sam had to quiet down the impulse to kick him again. “Does that mean I can expect you to come for me during the next full moon?” 

“Absolutely not. I refuse to set foot in there after being deemed your comfort werewolf.” He huffed and sat back in the chair, shaking his head. “Makes it seem like I’m some sort of snuggly teddy bear to snuggle in terms of distress.” 

“I’ve heard dogs are great comforters.” 

“I’m not a dog.” Sam put focus on every word as he spoke. After that, the silence lingered between them until they both started to laugh at the same time. 

Despite the bravado and clever commentary, Jasper almost looked shy, well, no, not shy. Uh. Something along those lines but not quite. He wasn’t about to question the other’s insecurities, and absolutely not make guesses about them. He just hoped that Jasper wasn’t covering up any discomfort with what he just did, as he was the one initiating it. It seemed like the other was just fine, and smelled sort of happy.  
  
Besides, Jasper accepting and acting as if his advances had been welcomed was pretty astounding in its own way. It had felt so natural, and there was this strange feeling in him of empowerment from how simple it had all been. Jasper was old enough to say no, at least so he had been very clear about in their Messenger conversations. For once he felt like an adult just able to comfortably seek out the comfort in someone without worrying about the emotional repercussions. Dealing with Jasper wasn’t like dealing with a pack of werewolf teenagers. A pack of werewolf teenagers had loads of emotional repercussions.

“Are you feeling tired?” Jasper asked when they had managed to calm down. 

“Not in the least.” The werewolf shook his head with a sigh, glancing at the clock to confirm that it was way past going-to-sleep-time. “Wanna watch another movie?” 

“Certainly. Do you have something in mind?” Jasper was already standing up from the chair. 

“Have you ever seen The Godfather?” Sam followed him, bringing the traitorous tea cup with him as they walked to the living room. 

“No, but I am intrigued already by the title.” 

“It’s really good.” Sam promised. 

They started the movie, and despite what Sam had felt when the movie started, he was soon completely knocked out by sleep. The last thing he remembered was Jasper pulling his head onto his lap and calmly stroking over his hair. It was clear that he had no intentions of stopping the movie just because Sam was falling asleep. The werewolf closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off into a blissful, dreamless sleep, his nose full of the pleasant scent of the former soldier turned vampire.


End file.
